#21. Women need to have Inspired Action

Yes, this is also a new series. Just as you may enjoy reading 3 to 5 books at the same time, I enjoy writing about 3 to 5 different subjects at a time. It actually allows me to organize my thoughts into manageable topics. Good. We got that out of the way.

Now back to the subject at hand – Inspired Action. It is the type of sensible activity that challenges women to “do” things of significance in order to fulfill those goals discovered during their “me” time. What it is not – is worrying, irrational behavior, doing things in haste, or out of dread or fear. Unfortunately, due to the pace of life, it is understandable that we would spend the bulk of our day not acting from inspiration but from desperation. How can we do better? Well, some philosophers encourage you to spend 15 – 30 minutes per day working on your dreams. That is all fine and dandy, but why not make inspired action a part of your daily routine. That will be the focus of this series!

So my thought for today refers back to our infamous mother of octuplets. This morning it was revealed that this woman already has six (6) other children, she did take fertility drugs, and she has been living with her mother, and there is no information about the whereabouts of her husband. Now I don’t know a lot of about the questioning that takes place prior to receiving the nod to undergo fertility treatment, but a woman who already has six children does not fit the characteristics of an ideal candidate. Do you agree?

Unless…unless she went into this with some plan or inspired action, in mind. Let’s consider that this is not a wealthy family. By the looks of the mother’s home they may be middle-class people. Perhaps, the husband is trying to find work to provide for his substantial brood; and we know the state of our economy, so he may have battles with depression and insecurity. When all of a sudden - his wife has an idea. She is a mother and is aware that there are other women in the world who are not as fortunate to carry children to full term. These infertile women could be wonderful parents if given the opportunity and most adoptive parents want infants. They want the normal parent experience of seeing that child grow from infancy to adulthood. This mother obviously knows she IS capable of bearing children. So now we have supply and demand. I’m just wondering if possibly, instead of selling her eggs like some women are doing in order to stay afloat financially, this woman decided to get pregnant with multiple children and sell them through adoption. This is just a thought.

Actually a reader yesterday suggested that this mother give her babies to those less fortunate, and I made a comment in return to define the “less fortunate” as barren women. Then today we receive this new development, and now what seemed to be a comedic exchange could have more relevance. What do you think? Again why was she allowed to even receive fertility drugs? What are the standards? And is it “Abortion”, when a woman chooses to lessen the number of fertilized eggs created by fertility or in vitro methods? So did she make the right decision? Was this inspired action – to have a larger family, or for profit, or what? Knowing what we know now, did this mother exhibit personal responsibility?

#17. Women need not act this way with unemployed family and friends

The “Dos” for being supportive in a struggling economy were presented last week. Here are a few “Do Nots”:

• Do Not - Discount their dreams and ambitions. Being supportive does not connote transferring your ideals onto them or berating their vision. Just because you think they should try retail, work as a nanny, or become a part of your MLM opportunity does not mean that they should forego their personal pursuits to follow your plan. It is fine to make suggestions but it is more important that you listen (not just to make your sales pitch) in order to help them meet their own objectives.

• Do Not - Embarrass them by discussing the personal details. Nine times out of ten, if the have been without a decent wage for some time this could be negatively affecting their personal life (i.e. marriage, meals and mortgage.) Remember that networking is for professional reasons centered on employability not gossip. Questions impermissible in the context of a job interview should be off limits after hours as well. Suggest that the potential contact ask your friend anything you feel is too personal. Abusing this opportunity to edify a friend by highlighting instead how wonderful you are for lending a helping hand to the “needy” will do more harm than good. No one wants to hire someone others deem as pitiful – perhaps too pitiful to do the job.

• Do Not - Avoid unemployed family and friends. In fact, initiate the conversation if possible by asking “how do you think I could help you during this transition?” Listen to their suggestions and then offer a realistic response to their plea based on your capabilities. Do not make empty promises?!? You do not owe anyone anything, and your best effort is always enough - there is no need for cowardice. By avoiding their phone calls or emails (with resume attached) will only build resentment and destroy relations. It is better to meet this topic head on and be honest about what you can or cannot do to be supportive. Candor is the best approach and leaves no room for delusions.

Am I my brother’s keeper? Well, no I am not, but I am always more than willing to lend a helping hand whenever I can.

Best wishes for better relationships in 2009.

#16. Women (and men) need to be supportive of unemployed friends and family.

To lose anything brings about negative emotions, how much more when that thing is a job? Feelings of shame, depression, doubt, confusion and fear can top the list. In lieu of the current economic state of America, we are all highly likely to know someone personally who falls into this category of "unemployed". As friends and family members, of people facing these dire circumstances, it is important to be supportive - but what does that specifically entail?

The bible speaks about the distance created by finances, even among friends:

Proverbs 14:20The poor are despised even by their neighbors, while the rich have many friends.
Proverbs 19:4Wealth makes many friends; poverty drives them all away.

Wisdom knows money divides family and friends. Sometimes it is by location, if a family can no longer afford to keep their home and are forced to move into a different neighborhood. Do friends and family continue to visit? Sometimes through socialization, friends can no longer afford to vacation or participate in various activities. How are they kept in the loop when they can no longer afford to keep up? With inferiority on the side of those without, and ignorance on the side of the other, it is no wonder why these relationships collapse.

Here are a few suggestions on how to show your support during these trying times:

Be a true friend. Fair weather friends are not allowed, because this storm may get worse before it gets better. So be the same person you always were to them. Allow them to have stable relationships even if their finances are not on solid ground. Invite them out or over for lunch or dinner whenever possible. Find creative, low cost ways to socialize based on things you know they would enjoy. The negative emotions mentioned earlier are strongest when these people are isolated; but they can be deterred by the presence of a loving family and good friends.

Take an interest. Find out what type of career they are looking for, it may be different from what they were doing before; especially if they have worked in industries like real estate and finance, or were self-employed. The only way you will be able to give them leads or to refer them with any authority or persuasiveness is to genuinely get to know their talents, skills and vision. Many friends keep their relationships so personal, that they do not get to know each other professionally. This is a perfect occasion to learn something new about them, so take it!

Network. Now is not the time to be quiet and passive. When you are socializing within your circle of influence and you see an opportunity to discuss your unemployed friend’s professional prowess (because you were listening and took an interest) – do so. We are all blessed to be a blessing and you would appreciate someone speaking on your behalf if you were jobless. Additionally, there is something special about a strong reference that comes from a third party. Again, speak with authority and persuasiveness.

Please share any further suggestions or examples on how to be there for people during hard financial times.

Tips on what not to do will be posted within the next couple of days.