#31. Women should never go on The Bachelor!

Women should never go on The Bachelor. If you have not figured it out then by chance you will enjoy this writer's take on the subject. I did so much that I had to post a link to it on my blog for your review:

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It?): Episode 59
http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/03/single-ladies-put-a-ring-on-it-episode-59.html

Although, I do not support The Bachelor, I still support a 2010 Black Bachelorette. If the show continues to air, then why not?

Peace & Love,

#30. Women and American viewers need a black "Bachelorette" for 2010.

Enough with The Bachelor television series and its 100% failure rate; this show is just a front for nice guys who want to fondle twenty-five (25) women over the course of eight weeks without spending a dime on one of them. Can you imagine this guy doesn’t even have to pay for the engagement ring? The only commitment the Bachelor makes is in fulfilling most men’s dream of dating beautiful women, at the same time, and taking them to romantic destinations gratis. Not too bad of a gig. If I were I guy, I would sign up too.

But the poor women, constantly cooing and crying over a “husband” that will never be. On the other hand, The Bachelorette has held a slightly better record with the marriage of Trista and Ryan in 2003. Nothing much has happened on the show since, but there is potential. That opportunity comes with finding a Black Bachelorette. Not one of those Flavor Flav types – with their rap video appeal. I’m suggesting an African-American woman with a lot of class, professionalism, basically a woman with nothing missing but the “man”.

Black women, typically prefer to date and marry black men, but with the state of the black American male being disproportionately higher (than other races) for disease, incarceration, and homosexuality – the choices are scarce, leaving exceptional, educated, strong black women home alone. On top of that, black males like all males, feel very free to date all races of women and are exercising that right without regret. ABC could capitalize on this racial imbalance by introducing the fortunate Bachelorette to “Something New” (men of different ethnicities). Of course, there should be African American men to choose from, as well, since that is her normal preference. But what a top-rated show (The Bachelorette 2010) would be if the world could watch this beautiful, mature woman break down boundaries and open up to men of all races in order to find a life-long mate.

Just as I challenge the black woman, who is uncomfortable dating outside of her race, I challenge ABC to make this happen – in the name of long lasting love, of course. I think I hear wedding bells. Tell me what you think?

#26. Women Need Love - Act 6

I would be remiss if I did not tell you that LOVE begins with You. In fact it was Jesus who said in Luke 10:27 when asked about inheriting eternal life…"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
He knew as we have learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to love anyone unless and until you can look in the mirror and love yourself, from FLAWED to FABULOUS.

In essence, all we are is transporters; constantly transferring our emotions onto others. If you do not love yourself then you will try to transfer those negative feelings about you onto me, and I am not going to like you very much!!! In fact, I am going to avoid you because I like feeling good. On the other hand, if you find that you have an amorous appreciation for who God created you to be and your validation is found in Him, then you will be ready, willing and able (remember Love is a Verb) to love others, forgive others, encourage others, hope the best for others – you get my point.

My sassy song choice to go along with today’s post was written way back in 1937 by Irving Berlin. Enjoy "I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm", by Jazz giant, Billie Holiday.

Also find tips on “How To Celebrate Valentine’s Day if You are a Single Woman” on eHow.

Love Yourself,

#8. Women need to know “chemistry” is overrated.

In the words of Michael Baisden, “yeah, I said it.”
Allow me to explain.

When you first met, the chemistry was great; it was like he read your mind.
You were inseparable.
Where you saw one, you were certain to see the other.
You finished each other’s sentences.
Everything you thought you needed in a man was fulfilled.
Or so you pretended.
You were so sold on bliss that you chose not to buy the whole truth.
Don’t rain on my parade. Haters!
Soon there were wedding rings and wedding bells.
But once the honeymoon was over, the real world and the real work began.
Now you’re wondering “why you got married” or if you even married the right man.
Been there done that.
Now you’re singing “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”.
You feel invisible.
He never listens.
Seems to be oblivious to what is going on in your world.
The only time you get any attention is, well, you know when, and those sparks have fizzled out.
Well, suck it up.
That man you married is not perfect, by far, and the mere fact that he married you is proof enough.
To his credit, he really is not so bad though (unless he is a Beater or a Cheater).
The only bad thing for women is that “butterflies” do not last. They are only the introduction to the story.

You have to write the rest.
Remember what brought you to love in the first place.
Was it his dedication to his career? So why are you complaining about him working all the time.
Was it his affection towards children? So why are you still on birth control?
No criticism, just inquiring.
Think not that the grass is greener elsewhere; because the start is common and the finish will agree unless you learn the lesson.
Staying in a relationship only up to the point that it is fun is immature.
Jumping in and out of relationships like you log in and out of your computer could open you up to viruses.
How naive to think that love will always look and feel the same as the day you took your vows. Change is inevitable.
Know that that loving feeling will fade at times.
Drawback on your top five requirements – love God, love you, love kids, love family, love to work, or whatever yours might be, I’m just sharing my own - and stick to it.
If you are in sync on the above; count your blessings.
Take the time to restore that animal attraction.
Perhaps you stopped doing a few things too. Just probing again.
Hair, Heels, you know what works…

Edit your love story.
Chemistry is what you make it. It is a two way street.
So keep it fresh and enjoy the ride.
Expect the challenges, but try to stay in it for the long haul.

Here is the best marriage advice I never received.
Warmest wishes.

#3. Women Need to Think More and Flirt Less.

This topic came to my attention when asked if I thought men and women could be friends. My answer was an immediate, “yes, in fact, absolutely." I desperately wanted to defend the right of every single woman to have as many male friends as possible. I always did and they came in handy. So my strongest argument hung on the fact that there are women who need these relationships with men, especially if they do not have male relatives with muscle power for things like:

• Moving
• Fixing the car
• Carrying large or heavy items
• Providing assistance when safety is a concern, i.e. stranded on a highway, locked out of your car in the evening, etc.
  

I further reasoned that it would be nice if every woman was strong enough to carry every load, had enough flow to pay for the manpower she needs and was able to keep herself out of precarious situations; but the truth is that on occasion you need a hand, and a nice date to the movie - so what's a girl to do?

My gentlemanly counterpart, being very familiar with his gender and their attraction to women, casually advised me of some other options, even for women with a low male family count:

• Her place of worship
• Friends and their spouses
• Hiring a Professional! The cost here could easily be less if you factor in emotions.

I knew he was right in theory, but I wanted to believe in the purity of my current and past relationships with men. Moreover, I did not want to believe that any guy that I considered “just a friend” was anything more. But wait. What I had forgotten was how the male-female relationship usually develops:

1. Eye contact,
2. A little flirting,
3. Numbers or contact information exchanged,
4. Frequent conversations, many early morning or late evening,

Then presto! You wake up one day connected at the hip. The only reason a guy would not make it to the boyfriend/dating level would be a realization somewhere along this short path that the relationship was not a good fit. Trust your first instincts (I'll cover this in another post). In that case, he would become the guy you call when you need some work done around your house or a casual date to the movie.

The only problem with this oh-so-typical scenario is that “he” probably still has an interest (sexual at best) in “her”. While she is being naive and thinking we are just buddies, he has figured out that if he fixes this and solves that long enough, then he will get exactly what he always wanted. Men tend to grow on women, and vice versa, so without clear boundaries that so-called platonic friendship is ruined. At this point, you can forget the odd jobs and the free lunches.

Do not get me wrong. I am not suggesting that men are out there preying on women’s vulnerabilities, but I will say that a normal, red-blooded man is not hanging around a woman for nothing. Just as we women know how to turn on the charm and manipulate men to get what we want. Men can be just as cunning in terms of getting their needs met.

So again, women need to think more and flirt less. Be smart and proactive. Get AAA, or some type of emergency roadside assistance. Reestablish those relationships with male family members. Be a woman with integrity. Ask yourself, “Am I leading him on?” or “Why is he so available to me?” If he is not going to be the man in your life right now; then let him know and let him go. Men are not so friendly when they feel that they have been used.

Remember, there is no need to collect men for rainy days. You will only end up being miserable and wet.