#31. Women should never go on The Bachelor!

Women should never go on The Bachelor. If you have not figured it out then by chance you will enjoy this writer's take on the subject. I did so much that I had to post a link to it on my blog for your review:

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It?): Episode 59
http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/03/single-ladies-put-a-ring-on-it-episode-59.html

Although, I do not support The Bachelor, I still support a 2010 Black Bachelorette. If the show continues to air, then why not?

Peace & Love,

#30. Women and American viewers need a black "Bachelorette" for 2010.

Enough with The Bachelor television series and its 100% failure rate; this show is just a front for nice guys who want to fondle twenty-five (25) women over the course of eight weeks without spending a dime on one of them. Can you imagine this guy doesn’t even have to pay for the engagement ring? The only commitment the Bachelor makes is in fulfilling most men’s dream of dating beautiful women, at the same time, and taking them to romantic destinations gratis. Not too bad of a gig. If I were I guy, I would sign up too.

But the poor women, constantly cooing and crying over a “husband” that will never be. On the other hand, The Bachelorette has held a slightly better record with the marriage of Trista and Ryan in 2003. Nothing much has happened on the show since, but there is potential. That opportunity comes with finding a Black Bachelorette. Not one of those Flavor Flav types – with their rap video appeal. I’m suggesting an African-American woman with a lot of class, professionalism, basically a woman with nothing missing but the “man”.

Black women, typically prefer to date and marry black men, but with the state of the black American male being disproportionately higher (than other races) for disease, incarceration, and homosexuality – the choices are scarce, leaving exceptional, educated, strong black women home alone. On top of that, black males like all males, feel very free to date all races of women and are exercising that right without regret. ABC could capitalize on this racial imbalance by introducing the fortunate Bachelorette to “Something New” (men of different ethnicities). Of course, there should be African American men to choose from, as well, since that is her normal preference. But what a top-rated show (The Bachelorette 2010) would be if the world could watch this beautiful, mature woman break down boundaries and open up to men of all races in order to find a life-long mate.

Just as I challenge the black woman, who is uncomfortable dating outside of her race, I challenge ABC to make this happen – in the name of long lasting love, of course. I think I hear wedding bells. Tell me what you think?

Where is the love?

I know you are wondering what happened to the love we once shared? Well, blogging, much like your love life, gets pushed aside when "LIFE" gets in the way. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, "people do what they want to do", and in theory I believe that to be true. However, I love to write and post these blogs but was unable to keep that commitment. Does that mean I really do not enjoy writing? In the case of "love" - if your significant other did not shower you with lavish gifts on Valentine's day, or vice versa, does that mean that the love is gone? I hope not. Why limit yourself to one day anyway? I cannot speak for all cases, but honestly, there are times when things that we do not enjoy as much have to take a precedence, i.e. taxes, moving, pumping gas, doing laundry. These mundane activities are all a part of life. My only advice is to not make a HABIT of putting things that are materialistic and temporal before the people you love and those spiritual connections that matter most...Hopefully we will return to love sometime tomorrow. I'm working on it.

Lovingly submitted,

V-Day Gift Idea

Valentine’s Day is just four days away but it is still enough time to send all the people you love and appreciate a very special gift. If you need quick and easy, you may consider sending flowers to those near or far. And nothing says “I love you”, “I like you”, or “I would like to get to know you better” like a dozen roses. The presentation alone is priceless. Last year, I received roses from a male friend, and they were packaged so beautifully, my entire office was gawking. They made me want to give him another chance – no, not really! But my point is that I still remember the gift.

Roses also come in an assortment of colors, and each shade has its own meaning, allowing you to give them to anyone you like. Red is for love, pink is for appreciation, yellow is for friendship, and white is for purity, and there are even more choices. The season of love is not sexist nor is it just for couples. So send a single rose or a dozen to your friends and family members.

#27. Women Need Love - Act 7

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

But is this sage advice or sweet-sounding movie gibberish? I think it is a little of both, but isn’t that the reason we listen to songs and watch movies that pull at our heart strings, anyway? It is an innate desire to have that which is better than us; it is our escape.

These famous lines are taken from the aptly titled movie, “Love Story”, one of my favorite date flicks. And although the words are idealistic, the movie deals with tear-jerking realizations and circumstances; making the beautiful young characters even more amiable.

Check it out this week, if you can, and let me know what you think. If you have already seen it, do you agree that this one of the best of all times?

#25. Women Need Love - Act 5

Janie Mae Crawford hoped to find true love in the heart of Florida; but it escaped her until she met Tea Cake. Having finally reached that apex of adoration, the union ends morbidly and Janie retires to Eatonville, the first incorporated African-American community in the nation, to tell the story.

February is Black History Month, and although the time given to the subject is not commensurate to its relevance; I am grateful for any and all occasions to celebrate the achievements of African-Americans. For me, a Southern girl, it is necessary that I pay homage to Zora Neale Hurston, a fellow Floridian, an author, folklorist, playwright and anthropologist, in my blog salute to love. The passage below is taken from her most famous novel, and illustrates Janie Crawford’s discovery of love and marriage. May your awareness be just as fruitful!!!

“She saw a dust bearing bee sink into the sanctum of a bloom; the thousand sister calxes arch to meet the love embrace and the ecstatic shiver of the tree from root to tiniest branch creaming in every blossom and frothing with delight. So this was a marriage!”

Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, J.P. Lippincott (1937).

#21. Women need to have Inspired Action

Yes, this is also a new series. Just as you may enjoy reading 3 to 5 books at the same time, I enjoy writing about 3 to 5 different subjects at a time. It actually allows me to organize my thoughts into manageable topics. Good. We got that out of the way.

Now back to the subject at hand – Inspired Action. It is the type of sensible activity that challenges women to “do” things of significance in order to fulfill those goals discovered during their “me” time. What it is not – is worrying, irrational behavior, doing things in haste, or out of dread or fear. Unfortunately, due to the pace of life, it is understandable that we would spend the bulk of our day not acting from inspiration but from desperation. How can we do better? Well, some philosophers encourage you to spend 15 – 30 minutes per day working on your dreams. That is all fine and dandy, but why not make inspired action a part of your daily routine. That will be the focus of this series!

So my thought for today refers back to our infamous mother of octuplets. This morning it was revealed that this woman already has six (6) other children, she did take fertility drugs, and she has been living with her mother, and there is no information about the whereabouts of her husband. Now I don’t know a lot of about the questioning that takes place prior to receiving the nod to undergo fertility treatment, but a woman who already has six children does not fit the characteristics of an ideal candidate. Do you agree?

Unless…unless she went into this with some plan or inspired action, in mind. Let’s consider that this is not a wealthy family. By the looks of the mother’s home they may be middle-class people. Perhaps, the husband is trying to find work to provide for his substantial brood; and we know the state of our economy, so he may have battles with depression and insecurity. When all of a sudden - his wife has an idea. She is a mother and is aware that there are other women in the world who are not as fortunate to carry children to full term. These infertile women could be wonderful parents if given the opportunity and most adoptive parents want infants. They want the normal parent experience of seeing that child grow from infancy to adulthood. This mother obviously knows she IS capable of bearing children. So now we have supply and demand. I’m just wondering if possibly, instead of selling her eggs like some women are doing in order to stay afloat financially, this woman decided to get pregnant with multiple children and sell them through adoption. This is just a thought.

Actually a reader yesterday suggested that this mother give her babies to those less fortunate, and I made a comment in return to define the “less fortunate” as barren women. Then today we receive this new development, and now what seemed to be a comedic exchange could have more relevance. What do you think? Again why was she allowed to even receive fertility drugs? What are the standards? And is it “Abortion”, when a woman chooses to lessen the number of fertilized eggs created by fertility or in vitro methods? So did she make the right decision? Was this inspired action – to have a larger family, or for profit, or what? Knowing what we know now, did this mother exhibit personal responsibility?

#20. Women need to be Selfish

This is the first of a new blog series, or what I have come to define as “slogs”. In the SELFISH slogs, my plan is to examine things women can and should do to honor themselves.

By now everyone has heard about the woman who birthed octuplets, six boys and 2 girls to be exact. That’s a lot of little people packed in one belly but somehow she managed. They say this is only the second set of live-born octuplets, so there is much ado about whether the mother took fertility drugs and concerning her desire to breast feed her new bambinos. Personally, I am not interested in either. There will be no judgment from me about fertility drugs, because I considered it myself. Once I decided that I wanted to have children, I instantly connected with how many as well. Uh, eight, never, but I did want twins. But there was one big problem; twins did not run in my family or my husband’s family. So fertility drugs were a very real alternative and I still feel that way. When I do remarry, and if my husband does not carry the necessary gene, then I will certainly revisit this as an option. Secondly, what a woman says and what she does during emotional times are two different stories. Perhaps in the initial stage of bliss, with all the amazement surrounding these miraculous births, this mother really does believe she will be able to breast feed them all. Hey, those are her breasts not mine. And I wage that she may try but it won’t last long. Still I give her so much respect for even having the desire, or maybe I should be praising the drugs that dulled her pain and her senses. Wait, I said I would not judge, so I mean that in the most unbiased manner.

What I am most concerned about is this mother, this wife - this woman, first and foremost - may not have that opportunity for solitude for quite a long while. Without the proper assistance, she could easily tire herself out completely just trying to fulfill her new role. No mention of how this will affect her marriage. But again, and more importantly, where and when will she find the “me” time, we divas so desperately need? I know women with three kids who believe they need three nannies, and some who cannot control one, so what happens to the mother of eight? Well, I have a few suggestions if she is interested:

Dear Mother of 8 simultaneously,

Here are my 8 ways you can get uninterrupted “me” time for at least one-hour per day, without resorting to hiding out in the bathroom:

1. Quickly nix the whole breast feeding idea and get some formula. Pump if you must, but the reports show she will not have enough time in the day to do this anyway, and you can’t give one kid mother’s best and not the rest. Switch to the bottle fast.

2. Move your mother in so she can help. Remind her that these are her grandchildren too, and if she wants them to grow up healthy she needs to pitch in for a couple of years.

3. Make nice with the mother-in-law, and move her in as well. Same as above.

4. Invite all the older ladies at the church or in the neighborhood to take turns coming by and helping with cleaning and cooking.

5. Give your good girlfriends the pleasure of being their sounding board; only if they want to come by and help you out. This allows you your much needed girl-talk time as well.

6. Husbands need to be providers, but they helped bring these bundles of joy into the world and they need to be certain to spend time fathering them as well.

7. Seek out a diaper, formula or any baby product for an endorsement. Nothing sells like a testimonial, and you have a lot to testify about.

8. Use your new funding from the above to start a blinged out day care center. Make more money, serve your needs and serve the needs of others. That’s what I call using what you got.

I hope it helps!

#17. Women need not act this way with unemployed family and friends

The “Dos” for being supportive in a struggling economy were presented last week. Here are a few “Do Nots”:

• Do Not - Discount their dreams and ambitions. Being supportive does not connote transferring your ideals onto them or berating their vision. Just because you think they should try retail, work as a nanny, or become a part of your MLM opportunity does not mean that they should forego their personal pursuits to follow your plan. It is fine to make suggestions but it is more important that you listen (not just to make your sales pitch) in order to help them meet their own objectives.

• Do Not - Embarrass them by discussing the personal details. Nine times out of ten, if the have been without a decent wage for some time this could be negatively affecting their personal life (i.e. marriage, meals and mortgage.) Remember that networking is for professional reasons centered on employability not gossip. Questions impermissible in the context of a job interview should be off limits after hours as well. Suggest that the potential contact ask your friend anything you feel is too personal. Abusing this opportunity to edify a friend by highlighting instead how wonderful you are for lending a helping hand to the “needy” will do more harm than good. No one wants to hire someone others deem as pitiful – perhaps too pitiful to do the job.

• Do Not - Avoid unemployed family and friends. In fact, initiate the conversation if possible by asking “how do you think I could help you during this transition?” Listen to their suggestions and then offer a realistic response to their plea based on your capabilities. Do not make empty promises?!? You do not owe anyone anything, and your best effort is always enough - there is no need for cowardice. By avoiding their phone calls or emails (with resume attached) will only build resentment and destroy relations. It is better to meet this topic head on and be honest about what you can or cannot do to be supportive. Candor is the best approach and leaves no room for delusions.

Am I my brother’s keeper? Well, no I am not, but I am always more than willing to lend a helping hand whenever I can.

Best wishes for better relationships in 2009.

#16. Women (and men) need to be supportive of unemployed friends and family.

To lose anything brings about negative emotions, how much more when that thing is a job? Feelings of shame, depression, doubt, confusion and fear can top the list. In lieu of the current economic state of America, we are all highly likely to know someone personally who falls into this category of "unemployed". As friends and family members, of people facing these dire circumstances, it is important to be supportive - but what does that specifically entail?

The bible speaks about the distance created by finances, even among friends:

Proverbs 14:20The poor are despised even by their neighbors, while the rich have many friends.
Proverbs 19:4Wealth makes many friends; poverty drives them all away.

Wisdom knows money divides family and friends. Sometimes it is by location, if a family can no longer afford to keep their home and are forced to move into a different neighborhood. Do friends and family continue to visit? Sometimes through socialization, friends can no longer afford to vacation or participate in various activities. How are they kept in the loop when they can no longer afford to keep up? With inferiority on the side of those without, and ignorance on the side of the other, it is no wonder why these relationships collapse.

Here are a few suggestions on how to show your support during these trying times:

Be a true friend. Fair weather friends are not allowed, because this storm may get worse before it gets better. So be the same person you always were to them. Allow them to have stable relationships even if their finances are not on solid ground. Invite them out or over for lunch or dinner whenever possible. Find creative, low cost ways to socialize based on things you know they would enjoy. The negative emotions mentioned earlier are strongest when these people are isolated; but they can be deterred by the presence of a loving family and good friends.

Take an interest. Find out what type of career they are looking for, it may be different from what they were doing before; especially if they have worked in industries like real estate and finance, or were self-employed. The only way you will be able to give them leads or to refer them with any authority or persuasiveness is to genuinely get to know their talents, skills and vision. Many friends keep their relationships so personal, that they do not get to know each other professionally. This is a perfect occasion to learn something new about them, so take it!

Network. Now is not the time to be quiet and passive. When you are socializing within your circle of influence and you see an opportunity to discuss your unemployed friend’s professional prowess (because you were listening and took an interest) – do so. We are all blessed to be a blessing and you would appreciate someone speaking on your behalf if you were jobless. Additionally, there is something special about a strong reference that comes from a third party. Again, speak with authority and persuasiveness.

Please share any further suggestions or examples on how to be there for people during hard financial times.

Tips on what not to do will be posted within the next couple of days.

#15. Women need to just give the goods away

You would think with all this technology that it would be simpler to sale your wares but not so, at least not for me. I am sure the EBayers would tell me otherwise and I am open to their suggestions! Please tell me what to do, because this weekend, I had a very unsuccessful garage sale; earning about $1.00 per hour. It cost me more just to have the sale. This was very strange to me because I am a professional garage seller – have been doing it for years and I always make money and sell nearly everything. In the past I have attributed it to my keen sense of organization, living in the right neighborhoods and pricing my items to sale. Marketing was always the least of my worries – I could put out a few signs the morning of and like magic anonymous buyers would appear to take away all my used goods.

Not so this year. I actually spent money to advertise my larger items and the garage sale as a whole, through an online classified site. I even paid to include pictures. Well the site garnered only a modest number of calls and emails, so I took the same postings and listed them on Craigslist for FREE and received even more contacts. Hint: Free is sometimes better. The uncomfortable thing about these online buyers is that they want to have private showings apart from your sale date and I would not oblige. Consequently NONE of them showed up for the actual garage sale – except one lady who came as I was packing everything up and she only purchased a set of antique-like gas lamps. In the end I was left with all my furniture and most of my wares. On top of that, nobody was even driving through the neighborhood and it was a perfectly beautiful day.

My first inclination was to drag it all to the road and let the moochers steal it during the evening hours. Then I thought better and decided to call a consignment furniture store to come pick it up. When they did not have trucks on the weekend; they offered me the option of bringing my furniture in myself or waiting until the weekday. I waited. On Monday, however, I was given the run around by these scratch-and-dent operators. I could not understand what was so hard about scheduling a pick-up and became increasingly irritable with each conversation.

In retrospect I think I was just supposed to give it away all the time. Finally, I made that decision. My smaller appliances were donated to Goodwill and my furniture was given to Salvation Army. It was, in fact, easy to do the right thing! I called for pickup and they were there the next morning with a pre-printed receipt. The process of giving away things that no longer were useful to me but would benefit someone else was freeing and blessed my soul immensely. I only wish I had thought of it sooner.

Still I wonder, do these online classified sites really work or are they just fronts for crooks to come into your home? Am I too skeptical? What will become of the good ole fashioned garage and yard sale? How do you get rid of your old furniture and appliances without them? If your prices end up being haggled down to nothing anyway, why not donate it to a charity and save yourself some time, hard work and money? For now, my best advice is to just give the goods away…

#12. Women Bloggers want your Feedback

When I started this blog, I just knew that I would get a lot of feedback from women challenging me on my generalizations about the hardest working species on earth - in fact I reveled in that knowledge. However, I was wrong. Perhaps my content is too ordinary or the blog is too new. Whatever the reason, 2009 will have a fresh approach to the wants and needs of women; provoking men and women to respond - intentionally. So in preparation for your onslaught of written comments and opinions (optimistically speaking); I am posting some Blogging Etiquette for Blog Readers, borrowed respectfully from "The Story Siren", please read and take note - literally:

• Try to post a comment that is relative to the blog post. If it doesn’t pertain to the post, maybe it would be better to email the blog owner (unless of course you can’t find an email address) or leave a comment in a c-box, if there is one. (I use to have a c-box, but deleted it after a slew of spam).
• If you have your own blog don’t blatantly promote yourself on someone else’s. I haven’t had that happen to me yet, but I’ve seen it on other blogs. You’re only shedding a negative light on yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I love to support other book blogs and other bookish people just remember to be courteous and mindful to others.
• If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. If you don’t like it then move on. And be careful what you say, you can’t convey tone when you are leaving a comment, something that you meant in a joking nature may not be taken that way. Don’t be rude and childish either. I’ve had my share of rude anonymous comments. Take my advice and just delete them, they aren’t worth your time and effort to convey a response. http://www.thestorysiren.com/2008/12/book-blog-etiquette.html

Some blogging etiquette insists that you should not respond as an "Anonymous" source, but I view this differently. My belief is that you may have a comment which is very pertinent to a topic AND you need to remain anonymous. While it is ideal to know who is reading this blog, it is more important to me that your opinions are noted. So Anonymous, if you have to hide your identity occasionally, you are still welcome to blog here, because it is the thought that counts.

Sincerely,