#26. Women Need Love - Act 6

I would be remiss if I did not tell you that LOVE begins with You. In fact it was Jesus who said in Luke 10:27 when asked about inheriting eternal life…"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
He knew as we have learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to love anyone unless and until you can look in the mirror and love yourself, from FLAWED to FABULOUS.

In essence, all we are is transporters; constantly transferring our emotions onto others. If you do not love yourself then you will try to transfer those negative feelings about you onto me, and I am not going to like you very much!!! In fact, I am going to avoid you because I like feeling good. On the other hand, if you find that you have an amorous appreciation for who God created you to be and your validation is found in Him, then you will be ready, willing and able (remember Love is a Verb) to love others, forgive others, encourage others, hope the best for others – you get my point.

My sassy song choice to go along with today’s post was written way back in 1937 by Irving Berlin. Enjoy "I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm", by Jazz giant, Billie Holiday.

Also find tips on “How To Celebrate Valentine’s Day if You are a Single Woman” on eHow.

Love Yourself,

#20. Women need to be Selfish

This is the first of a new blog series, or what I have come to define as “slogs”. In the SELFISH slogs, my plan is to examine things women can and should do to honor themselves.

By now everyone has heard about the woman who birthed octuplets, six boys and 2 girls to be exact. That’s a lot of little people packed in one belly but somehow she managed. They say this is only the second set of live-born octuplets, so there is much ado about whether the mother took fertility drugs and concerning her desire to breast feed her new bambinos. Personally, I am not interested in either. There will be no judgment from me about fertility drugs, because I considered it myself. Once I decided that I wanted to have children, I instantly connected with how many as well. Uh, eight, never, but I did want twins. But there was one big problem; twins did not run in my family or my husband’s family. So fertility drugs were a very real alternative and I still feel that way. When I do remarry, and if my husband does not carry the necessary gene, then I will certainly revisit this as an option. Secondly, what a woman says and what she does during emotional times are two different stories. Perhaps in the initial stage of bliss, with all the amazement surrounding these miraculous births, this mother really does believe she will be able to breast feed them all. Hey, those are her breasts not mine. And I wage that she may try but it won’t last long. Still I give her so much respect for even having the desire, or maybe I should be praising the drugs that dulled her pain and her senses. Wait, I said I would not judge, so I mean that in the most unbiased manner.

What I am most concerned about is this mother, this wife - this woman, first and foremost - may not have that opportunity for solitude for quite a long while. Without the proper assistance, she could easily tire herself out completely just trying to fulfill her new role. No mention of how this will affect her marriage. But again, and more importantly, where and when will she find the “me” time, we divas so desperately need? I know women with three kids who believe they need three nannies, and some who cannot control one, so what happens to the mother of eight? Well, I have a few suggestions if she is interested:

Dear Mother of 8 simultaneously,

Here are my 8 ways you can get uninterrupted “me” time for at least one-hour per day, without resorting to hiding out in the bathroom:

1. Quickly nix the whole breast feeding idea and get some formula. Pump if you must, but the reports show she will not have enough time in the day to do this anyway, and you can’t give one kid mother’s best and not the rest. Switch to the bottle fast.

2. Move your mother in so she can help. Remind her that these are her grandchildren too, and if she wants them to grow up healthy she needs to pitch in for a couple of years.

3. Make nice with the mother-in-law, and move her in as well. Same as above.

4. Invite all the older ladies at the church or in the neighborhood to take turns coming by and helping with cleaning and cooking.

5. Give your good girlfriends the pleasure of being their sounding board; only if they want to come by and help you out. This allows you your much needed girl-talk time as well.

6. Husbands need to be providers, but they helped bring these bundles of joy into the world and they need to be certain to spend time fathering them as well.

7. Seek out a diaper, formula or any baby product for an endorsement. Nothing sells like a testimonial, and you have a lot to testify about.

8. Use your new funding from the above to start a blinged out day care center. Make more money, serve your needs and serve the needs of others. That’s what I call using what you got.

I hope it helps!

#9. Women need to learn how to support one another? (PEACE portions for the rest of ’08)

In the midst of an in-depth tête-à-tête about cultures and class systems; I was rudely interrupted with yet another example of women hating on other women. I know that is the reoccurring theme on the Tyra show but not on the weekend, not in the middle of breakfast. I am so frustrated with the subject. I could accept the sisterly banter if it were warranted; however it usually stems from insecurity and jealousy, like today’s topic of “light skinned vs. dark skinned”. But it actually gets worse:

• Working women vs. women who stay at home with their children
• Women with children vs. Women without children
• Single women vs. married women
• Women with dates vs. Women who cannot find a date
• Brunettes vs. Blondes
• Fat vs. Skinny
• Straight hair vs. Curly hair (or is that good hair vs. bad hair)
• Party girls vs. The girls next door
• Women with weave vs. Women with naturally long hair
• My daughter vs. Your daughter
• Rich girls vs. Valley girls
• Bi-racial vs. Non bi-racial
• Sorority sisters vs. Sorority sisters vs. Non-Greeks
• The wife vs. The “Other woman” (well, this one might make sense)
  

For ever reason under the sun, mostly derived from some form of self-hate; women will dislike and berate other women.

When did it begin? Was it an Electra Complex when Eve’s daughter competed with her for Adam’s attention? Or was it Eve who was jealous because her daughter was a younger version of her? Who knows? And my point is, who cares? Neither answer would be justifiable because here is the perfect example of female rivalry beginning at home with the one person a young girl ought to always feel secure – her mother.

Rodney King asked the cops who beat him to a pulp, and now I am asking women who undercut other women, “Why can’t we all just get along?” For example, why do women look at other women harder than they will the finest man in the building? Then they will break her down from top to bottom. You would never find a straight man analyzing another man like that. Is there a good reason for girls or adult women to partake in such "catty" behavior? Do we blame it all on men, and society, for forcing women to compete. All minority groups tend to suffer from the notion that there are limited resources needed to become successful (marriage, children, riches, power, a career or any combination thereof), thus, members of that minority group begin to act like “crabs in a bucket” - tearing one another down in order to rise, to shine, to be declared the “best in show”. Fear is such a powerful motivator. It makes even the most submissive creatures vicious. The divide and conquer tactic reminds me of a story about a sleazy guy, Tom, who figured he would date two women he worked with, Beth and Melinda, at the same time, unbeknownst to them. The women were complete opposite types; yet somehow Tom convinced each woman that she was his ideal preference. After a period of time, both Beth and Melinda became worried (female intuition) that Tom was dating someone else at work but neither could ever quite figure it. Why? Because Tom kept them separate and foolishly underestimating the other woman.

But then there are times when the fault lies solely on women's shoulders. How about the infamous YouTube fights where girls are beating up other girls? When did brawling become ladylike? Further instances exist when women fight without throwing punches, but the wound is just as deep. I know a successful female real estate broker who once admitted how it still hurt her that her female friends (she used the word not me) would rather list with a male broker. This is a very successful woman who should care less but actually it bothered her that some of the women close to her did not want to help her succeed even if it meant they would make money. Now you would never see a man do something stupid like this. He is not going to lose a dime just to stick it to another man.

How can women stop this destructive behavior, and begin to love themselves and respect their gender mates? Women (not just girls) might benefit from a self esteem class or two, to teach them their unique value, so they can then mentor the younger generation. Women need to learn how to support people who look like them without comparison; fostering female bonding devoid of fear of pain or competition. Women need to assess not only physical looks, but promote education and any special skills of the younger girls in their communities. Constantly telling girls how “pretty” they are without impressing upon them how they are equally “smart” and “talented” is a disservice to our young ladies. Beauty fades, so God could have never intended for looks to be the totality of a woman’s worth, and we should not either. Girls and little women especially need to LEARN this early on.

What power, GIRL power could be unleashed in the world with these simple truths? What goodwill women could offer if they worked as a unit instead enemies? I envision:

• the abolishment of the misogynistic ills of this society
• female networking and support groups for career, financial advice, female issues, children with disabilities, aging parents, etc.
• older women imparting wisdom about motherhood and marriage to the younguns.
  

None of that phony baloney, superficial female socializing that borders on gossip groups; or those multilevel marketing businesses that are primarily income driven (there is nothing wrong with that but that is not the purpose of this post). What I am suggesting is a camaraderie that requires a genuine interest in being a blessing to another woman without the expectation of gain. Now that is a paradigm shift.

I know I am constantly preaching that WOMEN are the nurturers of this society, and I just cannot help but imagine how awesome it would be if they learned how to feed one another. A new breed of women. NO more catfights. NO one for homosexuals to mimic. Oh, what peace on earth!