#31. Women should never go on The Bachelor!

Women should never go on The Bachelor. If you have not figured it out then by chance you will enjoy this writer's take on the subject. I did so much that I had to post a link to it on my blog for your review:

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It?): Episode 59
http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/03/single-ladies-put-a-ring-on-it-episode-59.html

Although, I do not support The Bachelor, I still support a 2010 Black Bachelorette. If the show continues to air, then why not?

Peace & Love,

#30. Women and American viewers need a black "Bachelorette" for 2010.

Enough with The Bachelor television series and its 100% failure rate; this show is just a front for nice guys who want to fondle twenty-five (25) women over the course of eight weeks without spending a dime on one of them. Can you imagine this guy doesn’t even have to pay for the engagement ring? The only commitment the Bachelor makes is in fulfilling most men’s dream of dating beautiful women, at the same time, and taking them to romantic destinations gratis. Not too bad of a gig. If I were I guy, I would sign up too.

But the poor women, constantly cooing and crying over a “husband” that will never be. On the other hand, The Bachelorette has held a slightly better record with the marriage of Trista and Ryan in 2003. Nothing much has happened on the show since, but there is potential. That opportunity comes with finding a Black Bachelorette. Not one of those Flavor Flav types – with their rap video appeal. I’m suggesting an African-American woman with a lot of class, professionalism, basically a woman with nothing missing but the “man”.

Black women, typically prefer to date and marry black men, but with the state of the black American male being disproportionately higher (than other races) for disease, incarceration, and homosexuality – the choices are scarce, leaving exceptional, educated, strong black women home alone. On top of that, black males like all males, feel very free to date all races of women and are exercising that right without regret. ABC could capitalize on this racial imbalance by introducing the fortunate Bachelorette to “Something New” (men of different ethnicities). Of course, there should be African American men to choose from, as well, since that is her normal preference. But what a top-rated show (The Bachelorette 2010) would be if the world could watch this beautiful, mature woman break down boundaries and open up to men of all races in order to find a life-long mate.

Just as I challenge the black woman, who is uncomfortable dating outside of her race, I challenge ABC to make this happen – in the name of long lasting love, of course. I think I hear wedding bells. Tell me what you think?

#29. Women Need Love - Listed

I make excuses on occasion like the next person but I am always a lady of my word. The rules may even change slightly but I still get the job done, I work, baby. If I said I would share 28 of my favorite love songs, movies, etc., then by golly that is what I am going to do! Who cares if it is February 27, 2009, and I am only on #8. All I need is ten minutes and I can dish out a list of the last 20 in descending David Letterman fashion:

#20. My Best Friend’s Wedding – when Julia Roberts and the guy who plays her best friend are on the boat and she wants to tell him that she loves him. Frank Sinatra’s “The Way You Look Tonight” is playing in the background and as they approach the bridge you can feel the tension rising, will she tell him, I hope she tells him, but she can’t. He looks disappointed and she feels she has lost her golden opportunity. I find that romantic in a bizarre unrequited sort of way. Julia’s character reminds me of myself and how full I feel inside but I have the hardest time showing it – I am much better in writing!

#19. This song has been played to death recently, and then resurrected. Still, I think it is one of the best. “At Last” by Etta James. Sorry B., gotta give love to those who paved the way.

#18. “Love Ballad” by LTD is a throw-back favorite. If you like George Benson you will be scatting to his version.

#17. “My Funny Valentine” sung by anybody. My favorite rendition is this one by Anita Baker.

#16. “My First Love”. Ooooohhh…this brings back memories, when love was pure and innocent. Cannot share all the details but if ever a song told the truth – “long as I live, you will be my first love.”…You know who you are.

#15. Splendor in the Grass with Warren Beatty and Natalie Wood. Another sad love story that I can’t get enough of. Rich guy and poor girl fall in love, want to have sexual relations, both receive misguided advice, girl goes crazy, boy ends up poor and married anyway. At least that is how I recall it.

#14. “Endless Love” by Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross is a timeless love song. This video may not be appropriate for children.

#13. Stevie Wonder is a musical genius, and he "Knocks Me off My Feet” with this 70’s love ballad.

#12. The Titanic Movie and Theme Song – “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. You saw the movie, need I say more.

#11. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. In college I had the lead role in an emotionally charged play about how a man ought to love a woman, and one of the girls sang this song. She brought down the house. I loved acting and being on stage, and I will always love this song for reminding me of those days.

#10. “Longer Than” by Dan Fogleberg is a poem set to music.

#9. Anita also gets the nod for “Sweet Love”! I had my first snotty cry to this song. A crush in middle school on a high-school boy who had eyes for my best friend left me heart-broken. How could he not notice me!!! We dated later in life and the reality could not hold a candle to what I had envisioned in my mind. Some crushes should never be fulfilled.

#8. The Song of Solomon is the most poetic love story ever told, in the greatest book that was ever written.

#7. C’mon this is the song about loving life and living it with the one you love – “100 years” by Five for Fighting. Whenever I hear it I just feel good.

#6. They say that love creates poets. Jill Scott put it down in “He Loves Me” and made me want to have whatever she was having!!! She does that with a lot of her songs. I love you Jill!

#5. My sweetie sent me this little ditty to tell me he was “Ready for Love”. I fell in love with the song instantly, and I began to fall for the sender as well.

#4. “A Song for You” by Donny Hathaway is a bitter-sweet melody that reminds us that life may be end, but love is forever.

#3. “Love” by musiq soulchild. Self explanatory.

#2. “If It Wasn’t For Your Love” by Heather Headley – Beautiful song! You can just feel the sincerity in every word. The first time I heard it I literally cried.

#1. “The Prayer” by Celine Dion and Josh Groban is my number one Love song. The music, the singers, and the lyrics. What can be lovelier than a talk with God, my TRUE FIRST LOVE!!!

Where is the love?

I know you are wondering what happened to the love we once shared? Well, blogging, much like your love life, gets pushed aside when "LIFE" gets in the way. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, "people do what they want to do", and in theory I believe that to be true. However, I love to write and post these blogs but was unable to keep that commitment. Does that mean I really do not enjoy writing? In the case of "love" - if your significant other did not shower you with lavish gifts on Valentine's day, or vice versa, does that mean that the love is gone? I hope not. Why limit yourself to one day anyway? I cannot speak for all cases, but honestly, there are times when things that we do not enjoy as much have to take a precedence, i.e. taxes, moving, pumping gas, doing laundry. These mundane activities are all a part of life. My only advice is to not make a HABIT of putting things that are materialistic and temporal before the people you love and those spiritual connections that matter most...Hopefully we will return to love sometime tomorrow. I'm working on it.

Lovingly submitted,

#28. Women Need Love - Act 8

Don’t you admire those couples who keep it fresh and popping year after year? I know I do. Whenever I see a mature couple holding hands, or in a restaurant or the bookstore acting like honeymooners; I cannot help but smile and hope that one day I will be the one being admired for the same attributes.

I also respect, with great curiosity, a man who insists he knew he would marry his wife at the first moment he saw her. I have good friends who have been married for nearly two decades with that experience, and I have knowledge of some others. That is just crazy to me, though, especially when I consider how women often think, or hope “he” is “the one” only to find out he definitely IS NOT. As I am writing this, however, I now recall a male friend, Hunky Hank*, telling me that he thought God told him Hyper Heather* was going to be his wife. (*The names have been changed to protect the innocent). Oh Lord, and I now I remember hearing that Buffed Brad* told someone, who told me, that he was going to marry me one day. Too funny! Somebody either got the message wrong or is in disobedience, because we know God cannot lie. But it does prove that guys get emotional too and miss the mark, and in my aforementioned scenario, that can be a huge blessing.

Still, kudos goes out to those who recognized LOVE from the start, were obedient and are still hanging tight; abiding until the end. This song, one of my favorites by Music Soulchild is dedicated to you: Don't Change.

If you happen to be one of those fortunate couples, I would sincerely love to hear your story.

V-Day Gift Idea

Valentine’s Day is just four days away but it is still enough time to send all the people you love and appreciate a very special gift. If you need quick and easy, you may consider sending flowers to those near or far. And nothing says “I love you”, “I like you”, or “I would like to get to know you better” like a dozen roses. The presentation alone is priceless. Last year, I received roses from a male friend, and they were packaged so beautifully, my entire office was gawking. They made me want to give him another chance – no, not really! But my point is that I still remember the gift.

Roses also come in an assortment of colors, and each shade has its own meaning, allowing you to give them to anyone you like. Red is for love, pink is for appreciation, yellow is for friendship, and white is for purity, and there are even more choices. The season of love is not sexist nor is it just for couples. So send a single rose or a dozen to your friends and family members.

#27. Women Need Love - Act 7

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

But is this sage advice or sweet-sounding movie gibberish? I think it is a little of both, but isn’t that the reason we listen to songs and watch movies that pull at our heart strings, anyway? It is an innate desire to have that which is better than us; it is our escape.

These famous lines are taken from the aptly titled movie, “Love Story”, one of my favorite date flicks. And although the words are idealistic, the movie deals with tear-jerking realizations and circumstances; making the beautiful young characters even more amiable.

Check it out this week, if you can, and let me know what you think. If you have already seen it, do you agree that this one of the best of all times?

#26. Women Need Love - Act 6

I would be remiss if I did not tell you that LOVE begins with You. In fact it was Jesus who said in Luke 10:27 when asked about inheriting eternal life…"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
He knew as we have learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to love anyone unless and until you can look in the mirror and love yourself, from FLAWED to FABULOUS.

In essence, all we are is transporters; constantly transferring our emotions onto others. If you do not love yourself then you will try to transfer those negative feelings about you onto me, and I am not going to like you very much!!! In fact, I am going to avoid you because I like feeling good. On the other hand, if you find that you have an amorous appreciation for who God created you to be and your validation is found in Him, then you will be ready, willing and able (remember Love is a Verb) to love others, forgive others, encourage others, hope the best for others – you get my point.

My sassy song choice to go along with today’s post was written way back in 1937 by Irving Berlin. Enjoy "I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm", by Jazz giant, Billie Holiday.

Also find tips on “How To Celebrate Valentine’s Day if You are a Single Woman” on eHow.

Love Yourself,

#25. Women Need Love - Act 5

Janie Mae Crawford hoped to find true love in the heart of Florida; but it escaped her until she met Tea Cake. Having finally reached that apex of adoration, the union ends morbidly and Janie retires to Eatonville, the first incorporated African-American community in the nation, to tell the story.

February is Black History Month, and although the time given to the subject is not commensurate to its relevance; I am grateful for any and all occasions to celebrate the achievements of African-Americans. For me, a Southern girl, it is necessary that I pay homage to Zora Neale Hurston, a fellow Floridian, an author, folklorist, playwright and anthropologist, in my blog salute to love. The passage below is taken from her most famous novel, and illustrates Janie Crawford’s discovery of love and marriage. May your awareness be just as fruitful!!!

“She saw a dust bearing bee sink into the sanctum of a bloom; the thousand sister calxes arch to meet the love embrace and the ecstatic shiver of the tree from root to tiniest branch creaming in every blossom and frothing with delight. So this was a marriage!”

Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, J.P. Lippincott (1937).

#25. Women Need Love that is Golden

Today, I am sharing one of my favorite songs about LOVE – “Golden” by Chrisette Michele. The lyrics are provided below, so you can sing along. This smooth ballad is perfect for weddings and wedding hopefuls.

Tomorrow is dedicated to verse, so stay tuned. I will have a very timely and unique piece that you are sure to appreciate.

Lyrics to "Golden" by Chrisette Michele:

Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Let’s let true love connect let’s try lasting together

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Let’s take two golden bands and let’s walk down the aisle, love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical American shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Golden
Golden
oh oh my
Golden
Golden love
Cause commitment is golden
Mmm mmm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XR8faAjj2o

#24. Women Need Love - Act 3

Happy couples make me happy. Even in what should be dismal circumstances, the true test of love shines bright. Today I received an example, and it made me cry, tears of delight of course. I am already a softy when it comes to men revealing their genuine emotions about their wives; and my sensitivity is heightened when that man is battling cancer, most of his jaw is missing, and he must type into a computer to speak.

His name is Roger Ebert. He is half of the once dynamic movie critic duo, Siskel & Ebert. During an interview today, he expressed his gratitude for his wife and how she has been his rock, allowing him to remain a consummate professional and a man – regardless of the disease. In his own words he told reporters that his 16 year relationship with his wife, Chaz,

“It’s just the most wonderful thing. I recommend marriage to everybody . You should have someone there for you twenty-four hours a day. Your lover and your friend, and somebody to say ‘you are not going to wear that shirt are you.’”

I love this and appreciate that he notices that she is going through this with him 24/7. I have witnessed couples in near death situations and you can tell the ones in love from the ones in nots. Not wanting to be there, not wanting to provide care, not wanting to be married any longer. But the loving spouse always appears to gain greater strength, enough strength to carry them both. That is likely from the deposits of love stored up over the course of their marriage. It is a beautiful awareness when this happens. It is that “in sickness and in health” vow become reality. The test begins. IF you have chosen well, in the unfortunate event that bad health strikes you or your spouse; you will have the good fortune of knowing either, you or yours, will provide love with tender and adoring hands. So choose well!

#23. Women Need Love - Act 2

Is any wedding ever complete without the scripture reading of 1 Corinthians 13(below)? This should be required reading during premarital counseling, along with an accompanying dissertation.

Sometimes humans believe that the Eros love they feel will carry them through every situation but that is backwards thinking. Romance is great and it gives us the desire to get to know one another better and it is a very pleasing part of a relationship, but it is not the end all. The unconditional, Agape love, which the apostle Paul describes in a chapter dedicated to itself, is the TRUE love that will keep the bonds of matrimony forever. In fact this love is for all mankind and all situations.

But love is too often misconstrued. People think they love but if they would cross check their actions with the words below, they might learn that they have more love yet to give.

Love is not easy, it is intentional . “LOVE” is the ultimate Inspired Action. Love is always a verb.

1 Corinthians 13:Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

#22. Women Need Love

I love the month of February. I love Holidays! I simply love LOVE!

I cry when watching love stories and while listening to love songs. I am a hope(ful) romantic. Especially for a girl who cannot recall one romantic experience in her life (I’m sure there has to be at least one). Even worse, I cannot say I have ever really been “in love”. I am hoping that will change soon. In the past, I sold out to status and companionship. My mistake. What I have come to realize is that living without TRUE love is living a lie.

So today I am in love with love.

My dream is to one day be that girl in the movie that gets her prince in the end and lives happily ever after. Yes, I said it, and I believe it will come true; God willing. I want that loving feeling –not just lust. Until then, I will live vicariously through my 28 most favorite love songs/ poems/cinematic moments and I am sharing them with you each day of the month of February. Hope you love it…

#1. EVERGREEN by Barbara Streisand.

Lyrics

Love, soft as an easy chair
Love, fresh as the morning air
One love that is shared by two
I have found with you
Like a rose under the April snow
I was always certain love would grow
Love, ageless and evergreen
Seldom seen by two
You and I will make each night the first
Everyday a beginning

Spirits rise and their dance is unrehearsed
They warm and excite us
'Cause we have the brightest love
Two lights that shine as one
Morning glory and
The midnight sun

Time, we've learned to sail above
Time, won't change the meaning of one love

Ageless and ever evergreen

Link to Video:
Barbara Streisand - Evergreen - Love Theme From "A Star is Born"

#8. Women need to know “chemistry” is overrated.

In the words of Michael Baisden, “yeah, I said it.”
Allow me to explain.

When you first met, the chemistry was great; it was like he read your mind.
You were inseparable.
Where you saw one, you were certain to see the other.
You finished each other’s sentences.
Everything you thought you needed in a man was fulfilled.
Or so you pretended.
You were so sold on bliss that you chose not to buy the whole truth.
Don’t rain on my parade. Haters!
Soon there were wedding rings and wedding bells.
But once the honeymoon was over, the real world and the real work began.
Now you’re wondering “why you got married” or if you even married the right man.
Been there done that.
Now you’re singing “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”.
You feel invisible.
He never listens.
Seems to be oblivious to what is going on in your world.
The only time you get any attention is, well, you know when, and those sparks have fizzled out.
Well, suck it up.
That man you married is not perfect, by far, and the mere fact that he married you is proof enough.
To his credit, he really is not so bad though (unless he is a Beater or a Cheater).
The only bad thing for women is that “butterflies” do not last. They are only the introduction to the story.

You have to write the rest.
Remember what brought you to love in the first place.
Was it his dedication to his career? So why are you complaining about him working all the time.
Was it his affection towards children? So why are you still on birth control?
No criticism, just inquiring.
Think not that the grass is greener elsewhere; because the start is common and the finish will agree unless you learn the lesson.
Staying in a relationship only up to the point that it is fun is immature.
Jumping in and out of relationships like you log in and out of your computer could open you up to viruses.
How naive to think that love will always look and feel the same as the day you took your vows. Change is inevitable.
Know that that loving feeling will fade at times.
Drawback on your top five requirements – love God, love you, love kids, love family, love to work, or whatever yours might be, I’m just sharing my own - and stick to it.
If you are in sync on the above; count your blessings.
Take the time to restore that animal attraction.
Perhaps you stopped doing a few things too. Just probing again.
Hair, Heels, you know what works…

Edit your love story.
Chemistry is what you make it. It is a two way street.
So keep it fresh and enjoy the ride.
Expect the challenges, but try to stay in it for the long haul.

Here is the best marriage advice I never received.
Warmest wishes.

#6. Women Want Men to Listen to their Hearts

As a follow-up to yesterday’s post, especially involving communication between spouses, allow me to share a quote from an anonymous poet:

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you
what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be
with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them
everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is
feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when
they walk into a room and smile at you."

I don’t dare pretend to know what love is for everyone either, but this sounds like a good barometer to me. There is a peace in knowing that you can tell someone all the good and the bad there is to know about you and that they will still chose to love you. Humans long to bear themselves and feel free, uninhibited by other’s perceptions of them. When we get to this point, we are actually as God designed us. To have that freedom with a spouse is like a gift from God; reminiscent of pre-fruit Adam and Eve. Naked and not ashamed! That is how a right relationship should function.

Men, please tell me how will you ever know all about her if you do not allow her to tell you? How can you truly love her, if you don’t seek to know more and more about her? When you think you know everything is when you know nothing. Adam probably thought he knew all there was to know about Eve. She did come from his rib. Without openness though, you could easily end up sleeping with the enemy, or worst, eating some bad fruit and getting kicked out of the best digs on earth! Ughh!

If a man is only listening to solve problems then he is missing out on the fact that her sharing means she already respects him as a part of the solution. Women want to, need to, tell their men who they are and why they exist, as an expression of love without barriers. They don't need this every day, or every month, but on occasion. If you read my post (below) you will understand that women cannot share this variety of information with just anybody; or at least they shouldn't. Consequently, they have all these pent up emotions and dreams that are bottled up, just waiting to be released. Much like men but in a different fashion. By denying her the opportunity to share those matters closest to her heart (not frivolity) will leave a void open for a snake (the deceiver).

So men, even though it is not your favorite thing to do, even if you are tired, and you have been fighting dragons all day with a pocket knife; allow quality time to hear from her heart and get to know your woman better. Your attention to her needs will bear results ripe for the picking! Right, ladies?

#1. Women Need a Man that loves God but does not confuse himself with God.

In general, men are the strength that God did not bless women with naturally. When they are in their element they appear all powerful and in control, as if they could conquer the world and fight every battle with success. Yet, man is fallible and can sometimes do more harm than good. God is only good and will never fail. Don't get it twisted. There are problems in life that a man cannot fix and unfortunately, most of them occur in human relationships with women!

For instance, when a woman is going through the storms of life, inwardly she may know that God is controlling the forces of nature and she will have to submit to whatever happens but she still may worry. At this point in life her basic need is shelter and a safety. Now her man may believe that she needs to become superwoman and fly through the storm doing all the things that she usually does while wearing an "S" on her chest. He does not seem to notice, or he does not care to notice, that she is not only tattered on the outside but she is bruised on the inside. Her countenance is not as bright as before because of the worries that she is trying to overcome. She struggles to put on a happy face and be strong. So his unsympathetic acknowledgement of the obvious is not what this situation requires; any mirror might tell her those things. What she possibly needs is a hug, a good cry, someone to listen, prayer and an "I love you"; not a critique of what is wrong with her.

Men, if you cannot change her circumstances, then just offer your love and support. Resist the urge to judge. Allow God to do the chastising and rebuking; allow Him to fill her open spaces in those lowly places within in her soul, so that He might perfect her in time. Your brand of help or tough love may work with the boys but you could easily damage the work that has begun in her. So do not try to manage her life or change her, even if you have the best of intentions. Simply, be there (safety and security) for her, be that strong arm to lean on, and trust God to use you wherever needed. Here is a good one, ask her to tell you what she needs.

Know that whatever first attracted the two of you to one another is still there, but this season (short or long) she is journeying through is necessary and it is not for you to fix. You are not God and should not have that burden. This too will pass, and if you are fortunate to survive it together, your relationship will be all the better for it.