#31. Women should never go on The Bachelor!

Women should never go on The Bachelor. If you have not figured it out then by chance you will enjoy this writer's take on the subject. I did so much that I had to post a link to it on my blog for your review:

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It?): Episode 59
http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/03/single-ladies-put-a-ring-on-it-episode-59.html

Although, I do not support The Bachelor, I still support a 2010 Black Bachelorette. If the show continues to air, then why not?

Peace & Love,

#30. Women and American viewers need a black "Bachelorette" for 2010.

Enough with The Bachelor television series and its 100% failure rate; this show is just a front for nice guys who want to fondle twenty-five (25) women over the course of eight weeks without spending a dime on one of them. Can you imagine this guy doesn’t even have to pay for the engagement ring? The only commitment the Bachelor makes is in fulfilling most men’s dream of dating beautiful women, at the same time, and taking them to romantic destinations gratis. Not too bad of a gig. If I were I guy, I would sign up too.

But the poor women, constantly cooing and crying over a “husband” that will never be. On the other hand, The Bachelorette has held a slightly better record with the marriage of Trista and Ryan in 2003. Nothing much has happened on the show since, but there is potential. That opportunity comes with finding a Black Bachelorette. Not one of those Flavor Flav types – with their rap video appeal. I’m suggesting an African-American woman with a lot of class, professionalism, basically a woman with nothing missing but the “man”.

Black women, typically prefer to date and marry black men, but with the state of the black American male being disproportionately higher (than other races) for disease, incarceration, and homosexuality – the choices are scarce, leaving exceptional, educated, strong black women home alone. On top of that, black males like all males, feel very free to date all races of women and are exercising that right without regret. ABC could capitalize on this racial imbalance by introducing the fortunate Bachelorette to “Something New” (men of different ethnicities). Of course, there should be African American men to choose from, as well, since that is her normal preference. But what a top-rated show (The Bachelorette 2010) would be if the world could watch this beautiful, mature woman break down boundaries and open up to men of all races in order to find a life-long mate.

Just as I challenge the black woman, who is uncomfortable dating outside of her race, I challenge ABC to make this happen – in the name of long lasting love, of course. I think I hear wedding bells. Tell me what you think?

#28. Women Need Love - Act 8

Don’t you admire those couples who keep it fresh and popping year after year? I know I do. Whenever I see a mature couple holding hands, or in a restaurant or the bookstore acting like honeymooners; I cannot help but smile and hope that one day I will be the one being admired for the same attributes.

I also respect, with great curiosity, a man who insists he knew he would marry his wife at the first moment he saw her. I have good friends who have been married for nearly two decades with that experience, and I have knowledge of some others. That is just crazy to me, though, especially when I consider how women often think, or hope “he” is “the one” only to find out he definitely IS NOT. As I am writing this, however, I now recall a male friend, Hunky Hank*, telling me that he thought God told him Hyper Heather* was going to be his wife. (*The names have been changed to protect the innocent). Oh Lord, and I now I remember hearing that Buffed Brad* told someone, who told me, that he was going to marry me one day. Too funny! Somebody either got the message wrong or is in disobedience, because we know God cannot lie. But it does prove that guys get emotional too and miss the mark, and in my aforementioned scenario, that can be a huge blessing.

Still, kudos goes out to those who recognized LOVE from the start, were obedient and are still hanging tight; abiding until the end. This song, one of my favorites by Music Soulchild is dedicated to you: Don't Change.

If you happen to be one of those fortunate couples, I would sincerely love to hear your story.

#25. Women Need Love - Act 5

Janie Mae Crawford hoped to find true love in the heart of Florida; but it escaped her until she met Tea Cake. Having finally reached that apex of adoration, the union ends morbidly and Janie retires to Eatonville, the first incorporated African-American community in the nation, to tell the story.

February is Black History Month, and although the time given to the subject is not commensurate to its relevance; I am grateful for any and all occasions to celebrate the achievements of African-Americans. For me, a Southern girl, it is necessary that I pay homage to Zora Neale Hurston, a fellow Floridian, an author, folklorist, playwright and anthropologist, in my blog salute to love. The passage below is taken from her most famous novel, and illustrates Janie Crawford’s discovery of love and marriage. May your awareness be just as fruitful!!!

“She saw a dust bearing bee sink into the sanctum of a bloom; the thousand sister calxes arch to meet the love embrace and the ecstatic shiver of the tree from root to tiniest branch creaming in every blossom and frothing with delight. So this was a marriage!”

Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, J.P. Lippincott (1937).

#25. Women Need Love that is Golden

Today, I am sharing one of my favorite songs about LOVE – “Golden” by Chrisette Michele. The lyrics are provided below, so you can sing along. This smooth ballad is perfect for weddings and wedding hopefuls.

Tomorrow is dedicated to verse, so stay tuned. I will have a very timely and unique piece that you are sure to appreciate.

Lyrics to "Golden" by Chrisette Michele:

Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Let’s let true love connect let’s try lasting together

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Let’s take two golden bands and let’s walk down the aisle, love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical American shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Golden
Golden
oh oh my
Golden
Golden love
Cause commitment is golden
Mmm mmm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XR8faAjj2o

#24. Women Need Love - Act 3

Happy couples make me happy. Even in what should be dismal circumstances, the true test of love shines bright. Today I received an example, and it made me cry, tears of delight of course. I am already a softy when it comes to men revealing their genuine emotions about their wives; and my sensitivity is heightened when that man is battling cancer, most of his jaw is missing, and he must type into a computer to speak.

His name is Roger Ebert. He is half of the once dynamic movie critic duo, Siskel & Ebert. During an interview today, he expressed his gratitude for his wife and how she has been his rock, allowing him to remain a consummate professional and a man – regardless of the disease. In his own words he told reporters that his 16 year relationship with his wife, Chaz,

“It’s just the most wonderful thing. I recommend marriage to everybody . You should have someone there for you twenty-four hours a day. Your lover and your friend, and somebody to say ‘you are not going to wear that shirt are you.’”

I love this and appreciate that he notices that she is going through this with him 24/7. I have witnessed couples in near death situations and you can tell the ones in love from the ones in nots. Not wanting to be there, not wanting to provide care, not wanting to be married any longer. But the loving spouse always appears to gain greater strength, enough strength to carry them both. That is likely from the deposits of love stored up over the course of their marriage. It is a beautiful awareness when this happens. It is that “in sickness and in health” vow become reality. The test begins. IF you have chosen well, in the unfortunate event that bad health strikes you or your spouse; you will have the good fortune of knowing either, you or yours, will provide love with tender and adoring hands. So choose well!

#8. Women need to know “chemistry” is overrated.

In the words of Michael Baisden, “yeah, I said it.”
Allow me to explain.

When you first met, the chemistry was great; it was like he read your mind.
You were inseparable.
Where you saw one, you were certain to see the other.
You finished each other’s sentences.
Everything you thought you needed in a man was fulfilled.
Or so you pretended.
You were so sold on bliss that you chose not to buy the whole truth.
Don’t rain on my parade. Haters!
Soon there were wedding rings and wedding bells.
But once the honeymoon was over, the real world and the real work began.
Now you’re wondering “why you got married” or if you even married the right man.
Been there done that.
Now you’re singing “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”.
You feel invisible.
He never listens.
Seems to be oblivious to what is going on in your world.
The only time you get any attention is, well, you know when, and those sparks have fizzled out.
Well, suck it up.
That man you married is not perfect, by far, and the mere fact that he married you is proof enough.
To his credit, he really is not so bad though (unless he is a Beater or a Cheater).
The only bad thing for women is that “butterflies” do not last. They are only the introduction to the story.

You have to write the rest.
Remember what brought you to love in the first place.
Was it his dedication to his career? So why are you complaining about him working all the time.
Was it his affection towards children? So why are you still on birth control?
No criticism, just inquiring.
Think not that the grass is greener elsewhere; because the start is common and the finish will agree unless you learn the lesson.
Staying in a relationship only up to the point that it is fun is immature.
Jumping in and out of relationships like you log in and out of your computer could open you up to viruses.
How naive to think that love will always look and feel the same as the day you took your vows. Change is inevitable.
Know that that loving feeling will fade at times.
Drawback on your top five requirements – love God, love you, love kids, love family, love to work, or whatever yours might be, I’m just sharing my own - and stick to it.
If you are in sync on the above; count your blessings.
Take the time to restore that animal attraction.
Perhaps you stopped doing a few things too. Just probing again.
Hair, Heels, you know what works…

Edit your love story.
Chemistry is what you make it. It is a two way street.
So keep it fresh and enjoy the ride.
Expect the challenges, but try to stay in it for the long haul.

Here is the best marriage advice I never received.
Warmest wishes.