#12. Women Bloggers want your Feedback

When I started this blog, I just knew that I would get a lot of feedback from women challenging me on my generalizations about the hardest working species on earth - in fact I reveled in that knowledge. However, I was wrong. Perhaps my content is too ordinary or the blog is too new. Whatever the reason, 2009 will have a fresh approach to the wants and needs of women; provoking men and women to respond - intentionally. So in preparation for your onslaught of written comments and opinions (optimistically speaking); I am posting some Blogging Etiquette for Blog Readers, borrowed respectfully from "The Story Siren", please read and take note - literally:

• Try to post a comment that is relative to the blog post. If it doesn’t pertain to the post, maybe it would be better to email the blog owner (unless of course you can’t find an email address) or leave a comment in a c-box, if there is one. (I use to have a c-box, but deleted it after a slew of spam).
• If you have your own blog don’t blatantly promote yourself on someone else’s. I haven’t had that happen to me yet, but I’ve seen it on other blogs. You’re only shedding a negative light on yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I love to support other book blogs and other bookish people just remember to be courteous and mindful to others.
• If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. If you don’t like it then move on. And be careful what you say, you can’t convey tone when you are leaving a comment, something that you meant in a joking nature may not be taken that way. Don’t be rude and childish either. I’ve had my share of rude anonymous comments. Take my advice and just delete them, they aren’t worth your time and effort to convey a response. http://www.thestorysiren.com/2008/12/book-blog-etiquette.html

Some blogging etiquette insists that you should not respond as an "Anonymous" source, but I view this differently. My belief is that you may have a comment which is very pertinent to a topic AND you need to remain anonymous. While it is ideal to know who is reading this blog, it is more important to me that your opinions are noted. So Anonymous, if you have to hide your identity occasionally, you are still welcome to blog here, because it is the thought that counts.

Sincerely,

#11. Women want a home for Christmas and everyday

Simply stated
Women want HOME for the holidays.

Home is a state of mind and a physical location.

A home
Is where love is
Is where peace exists
Is stability
Is warmth
Is a soft place to land
Is a roof over your head
Is shelter from the rain.

Home is family.
Women want family.
When you reach a certain age
You really and truly want your own family.
You need to build memories
Create legacies.
Home is life and life-giving.

Home is a space that we fill
With laughter
With pictures
With people we love, gathering in the kitchen, telling lies and eating pies.

Home prepares a place for rest
To review the best and worst of the year
Where we stop and wonder how we got over
Where we give thanks for each new day
Where we pray for a better tomorrow.


As prayers go, I offer one for each person who is homeless physically and/or emotionally. I can certainly relate, knowing firsthand that any day without the creature comforts of home and the peace of God is a miserable existence. I pray that our voids will be filled with blessings and that we will in turn be a blessing to others; always testifying of His goodness.

#10. What women want and need for Christmas? (You tell me)

Now, I am aware that Oprah is going to reveal “Oprah’s Favorite Things” very soon and perhaps you were going to glean a few ideas from the show, but we cannot wait for all of that; the sales are going on right now and the last day (to arrive by Christmas) to ship FED EX ground is today!!! So tell us, is it “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, Brown paper packages tied up with strings,” are these a few of your favorite things?

If not, what “things” would brighten a girl’s day this December 25th? What would make your life a wee bit easier (is it a convertible car so you can switch in and out of lanes quicker)? What would put a great big smile on your face (how about a diamond ring or a High Definition television)? What would warm your heart (giving food and clothing to a needy family)? It could be a new collectible Gucci bag and a pair of Louboutin heels; it matters not to me because I am not going to buy it for you anyway - but someone just might!


I really appreciate your participation. May your Christmas dreams come true!!!

#9. Women need to learn how to support one another? (PEACE portions for the rest of ’08)

In the midst of an in-depth tête-à-tête about cultures and class systems; I was rudely interrupted with yet another example of women hating on other women. I know that is the reoccurring theme on the Tyra show but not on the weekend, not in the middle of breakfast. I am so frustrated with the subject. I could accept the sisterly banter if it were warranted; however it usually stems from insecurity and jealousy, like today’s topic of “light skinned vs. dark skinned”. But it actually gets worse:

• Working women vs. women who stay at home with their children
• Women with children vs. Women without children
• Single women vs. married women
• Women with dates vs. Women who cannot find a date
• Brunettes vs. Blondes
• Fat vs. Skinny
• Straight hair vs. Curly hair (or is that good hair vs. bad hair)
• Party girls vs. The girls next door
• Women with weave vs. Women with naturally long hair
• My daughter vs. Your daughter
• Rich girls vs. Valley girls
• Bi-racial vs. Non bi-racial
• Sorority sisters vs. Sorority sisters vs. Non-Greeks
• The wife vs. The “Other woman” (well, this one might make sense)
  

For ever reason under the sun, mostly derived from some form of self-hate; women will dislike and berate other women.

When did it begin? Was it an Electra Complex when Eve’s daughter competed with her for Adam’s attention? Or was it Eve who was jealous because her daughter was a younger version of her? Who knows? And my point is, who cares? Neither answer would be justifiable because here is the perfect example of female rivalry beginning at home with the one person a young girl ought to always feel secure – her mother.

Rodney King asked the cops who beat him to a pulp, and now I am asking women who undercut other women, “Why can’t we all just get along?” For example, why do women look at other women harder than they will the finest man in the building? Then they will break her down from top to bottom. You would never find a straight man analyzing another man like that. Is there a good reason for girls or adult women to partake in such "catty" behavior? Do we blame it all on men, and society, for forcing women to compete. All minority groups tend to suffer from the notion that there are limited resources needed to become successful (marriage, children, riches, power, a career or any combination thereof), thus, members of that minority group begin to act like “crabs in a bucket” - tearing one another down in order to rise, to shine, to be declared the “best in show”. Fear is such a powerful motivator. It makes even the most submissive creatures vicious. The divide and conquer tactic reminds me of a story about a sleazy guy, Tom, who figured he would date two women he worked with, Beth and Melinda, at the same time, unbeknownst to them. The women were complete opposite types; yet somehow Tom convinced each woman that she was his ideal preference. After a period of time, both Beth and Melinda became worried (female intuition) that Tom was dating someone else at work but neither could ever quite figure it. Why? Because Tom kept them separate and foolishly underestimating the other woman.

But then there are times when the fault lies solely on women's shoulders. How about the infamous YouTube fights where girls are beating up other girls? When did brawling become ladylike? Further instances exist when women fight without throwing punches, but the wound is just as deep. I know a successful female real estate broker who once admitted how it still hurt her that her female friends (she used the word not me) would rather list with a male broker. This is a very successful woman who should care less but actually it bothered her that some of the women close to her did not want to help her succeed even if it meant they would make money. Now you would never see a man do something stupid like this. He is not going to lose a dime just to stick it to another man.

How can women stop this destructive behavior, and begin to love themselves and respect their gender mates? Women (not just girls) might benefit from a self esteem class or two, to teach them their unique value, so they can then mentor the younger generation. Women need to learn how to support people who look like them without comparison; fostering female bonding devoid of fear of pain or competition. Women need to assess not only physical looks, but promote education and any special skills of the younger girls in their communities. Constantly telling girls how “pretty” they are without impressing upon them how they are equally “smart” and “talented” is a disservice to our young ladies. Beauty fades, so God could have never intended for looks to be the totality of a woman’s worth, and we should not either. Girls and little women especially need to LEARN this early on.

What power, GIRL power could be unleashed in the world with these simple truths? What goodwill women could offer if they worked as a unit instead enemies? I envision:

• the abolishment of the misogynistic ills of this society
• female networking and support groups for career, financial advice, female issues, children with disabilities, aging parents, etc.
• older women imparting wisdom about motherhood and marriage to the younguns.
  

None of that phony baloney, superficial female socializing that borders on gossip groups; or those multilevel marketing businesses that are primarily income driven (there is nothing wrong with that but that is not the purpose of this post). What I am suggesting is a camaraderie that requires a genuine interest in being a blessing to another woman without the expectation of gain. Now that is a paradigm shift.

I know I am constantly preaching that WOMEN are the nurturers of this society, and I just cannot help but imagine how awesome it would be if they learned how to feed one another. A new breed of women. NO more catfights. NO one for homosexuals to mimic. Oh, what peace on earth!

#8. Women need to know “chemistry” is overrated.

In the words of Michael Baisden, “yeah, I said it.”
Allow me to explain.

When you first met, the chemistry was great; it was like he read your mind.
You were inseparable.
Where you saw one, you were certain to see the other.
You finished each other’s sentences.
Everything you thought you needed in a man was fulfilled.
Or so you pretended.
You were so sold on bliss that you chose not to buy the whole truth.
Don’t rain on my parade. Haters!
Soon there were wedding rings and wedding bells.
But once the honeymoon was over, the real world and the real work began.
Now you’re wondering “why you got married” or if you even married the right man.
Been there done that.
Now you’re singing “it’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to”.
You feel invisible.
He never listens.
Seems to be oblivious to what is going on in your world.
The only time you get any attention is, well, you know when, and those sparks have fizzled out.
Well, suck it up.
That man you married is not perfect, by far, and the mere fact that he married you is proof enough.
To his credit, he really is not so bad though (unless he is a Beater or a Cheater).
The only bad thing for women is that “butterflies” do not last. They are only the introduction to the story.

You have to write the rest.
Remember what brought you to love in the first place.
Was it his dedication to his career? So why are you complaining about him working all the time.
Was it his affection towards children? So why are you still on birth control?
No criticism, just inquiring.
Think not that the grass is greener elsewhere; because the start is common and the finish will agree unless you learn the lesson.
Staying in a relationship only up to the point that it is fun is immature.
Jumping in and out of relationships like you log in and out of your computer could open you up to viruses.
How naive to think that love will always look and feel the same as the day you took your vows. Change is inevitable.
Know that that loving feeling will fade at times.
Drawback on your top five requirements – love God, love you, love kids, love family, love to work, or whatever yours might be, I’m just sharing my own - and stick to it.
If you are in sync on the above; count your blessings.
Take the time to restore that animal attraction.
Perhaps you stopped doing a few things too. Just probing again.
Hair, Heels, you know what works…

Edit your love story.
Chemistry is what you make it. It is a two way street.
So keep it fresh and enjoy the ride.
Expect the challenges, but try to stay in it for the long haul.

Here is the best marriage advice I never received.
Warmest wishes.

#7. Women need to drop that zero and redefine their definition of a “hero”. (Give a nice guy a chance.)

I hear the brothers complaining that nice guys are still finishing last. Are women really only interested in men with deep pockets and fancy cars? Big-ballers? Shot-callers? Is a man only qualified if he can give you “whatever you like, (you like), yeah”? I hope not, because this shortage of men will only become more severe when he has to compete with T.I.’s promise of buying a woman anything her heart desires. Although this sounds good on the surface and can be flattering to hear; it is rarely realistic. Simply stated “you cannot buy happiness”, and more importantly, a rich man is not necessarily a good man. Ask the countless number of ex-wives to the stars.

Perhaps you are not in it for love, and if that it the case, this post is not for you. But for those single sisters who are praying for the right man, and complaining that all the good ones are taken, in jail or gay; I would like to introduce you to a few you may have overlooked:

1. The Graduate. This one is noticeably younger than you are, and you are not trying to become Mrs. Robinson. “Don’t even approach me; I’m not interested in teaching you anything that your mother did not already”, you say to yourself. Granted men mature at a slower pace than women, so why push it. I am not here to say that this science is not yet proven, but at least let him get a sentence out before you send him back to his dorm. Just joking. Some men actually have “old souls” and are very mature for their ages. I would not advise a woman to pursue a relationship with a young man who is the same age as her children, but among consenting adults – “age is just a number”.
2. Mr. Undereducated. You see this handsome man walking your way. He approaches you correctly, and you engage in a powerful conversation that inevitably leads to “so where did you attend (college)?” Then you learn that he either did not attend college, matriculated for a while but left without any paper, or he graduated but with a lesser degree. Instantly, you find him below your enlightened pedigree. Absurd. This man may be the next Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, Michael Dell, Ted Turner, or Steve Jobs. Need I say more? If perhaps, you are not “smart” enough to notice the theme – none of these extraordinary entrepreneurs graduated from college; but I bet you would not snub them. So don’t be so quick to judge; you could be meeting Mr. Right at just the right time.
3. The Baby Daddy. Ladies, it is not so much about the children is it? Kids can be so cute and loving; and what good woman does not admire a man that takes care of his responsibility? The truth is that you think the baby’s mama will cause you undue drama. Well, it does not have to be that way and it is not your battle to fight. Your relationship is not with the mother of his children, but with him. If he is conscientious and thoughtful, he has already given some thought about how this new relationship with you will affect his relationship with his child. At the appointed time, you both will discuss the dynamics of this triad and settle on whatever works best. But whatever you do; do not let invalidated insecurities or fears be the determining factor.
4. Mr. EOC. He is an entirely different hue from you; yes, I am talking about his complexion. You could be fiercely chocolate and he might be freckled pink, but it should not matter. Sure you will be a walking Benetton advertisement, and that is okay. Love has no color. Men have been dating women from all walks of life, every tribe and every color for generations. Women, specifically African-American women, need to get into the game. There are too many beautiful sistahs out there bypassing love because of the color of the package. If all the men in your race are finding mates in other ethnic groups, then you may end up being an old maid while trying to hold it down for the cause. Diversify your options for success by becoming a part of the Equal Opportunity Commission.
   

I am exhausted trying to point out the obvious, so I’ll close by suggesting that you get to know a man first before you shoot him down. Whatever you do, please do not dismiss a polite, hard-working, responsible man just because he happens to fit one of the aforementioned titles. This is how good guys go bad. I can think of a whole host of reasons (i.e. crazy, violent, drug abuser, cheater) to tell a man to step off; but these are purely superficial.

It is time to get rid of all the silly excuses, so women can prepare their hearts to receive, and nice guys can get their girls!

If you have a success story about how you found love with someone who was not quite your type, please share: whatwomenwantandneed@gmail.com or post a comment.

#6. Women Want Men to Listen to their Hearts

As a follow-up to yesterday’s post, especially involving communication between spouses, allow me to share a quote from an anonymous poet:

"I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you
what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be
with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them
everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is
feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when
they walk into a room and smile at you."

I don’t dare pretend to know what love is for everyone either, but this sounds like a good barometer to me. There is a peace in knowing that you can tell someone all the good and the bad there is to know about you and that they will still chose to love you. Humans long to bear themselves and feel free, uninhibited by other’s perceptions of them. When we get to this point, we are actually as God designed us. To have that freedom with a spouse is like a gift from God; reminiscent of pre-fruit Adam and Eve. Naked and not ashamed! That is how a right relationship should function.

Men, please tell me how will you ever know all about her if you do not allow her to tell you? How can you truly love her, if you don’t seek to know more and more about her? When you think you know everything is when you know nothing. Adam probably thought he knew all there was to know about Eve. She did come from his rib. Without openness though, you could easily end up sleeping with the enemy, or worst, eating some bad fruit and getting kicked out of the best digs on earth! Ughh!

If a man is only listening to solve problems then he is missing out on the fact that her sharing means she already respects him as a part of the solution. Women want to, need to, tell their men who they are and why they exist, as an expression of love without barriers. They don't need this every day, or every month, but on occasion. If you read my post (below) you will understand that women cannot share this variety of information with just anybody; or at least they shouldn't. Consequently, they have all these pent up emotions and dreams that are bottled up, just waiting to be released. Much like men but in a different fashion. By denying her the opportunity to share those matters closest to her heart (not frivolity) will leave a void open for a snake (the deceiver).

So men, even though it is not your favorite thing to do, even if you are tired, and you have been fighting dragons all day with a pocket knife; allow quality time to hear from her heart and get to know your woman better. Your attention to her needs will bear results ripe for the picking! Right, ladies?

#5. Women Want to Share

but they have to be extra careful

“who”

they share

“what”

with. People in your circle hold varying roles and should only be privy to certain topics. Although a woman can instinctively talk about most anything, anytime or anywhere; this is not always appropriate. So let us quickly identify the roles and the quality of information women can afford to place in each inbox:

PARENTS -
They are good for sharing the emotional facts of life, excluding too many details about premarital relationships. Once you are married however, keep the minor negative issues about your spouse to a minimum. Your parents will never love your life partner as much as you and will not be as quick to forgive their faults. So be discerning with sensitive matters. Parents are generally very loving and supportive, but honest to a fault because they will always see you as their child.

SPOUSES -
Studies have tried to capture the daily word count of a woman, and although it varies, a woman still averages two to three times more words than a man. For example, for the 7,000 words a man may use in a day, a woman will use 21,000. Mathematically, the man is not usually able to keep up with a woman in a conversation so you have to be specific about your topic but without making it a question-and-answer session. The trick here is to first, have the man’s attention before you start the conversation. Do not try to talk to him while he is working or tired or his focus is on something else. Men are not always the best to talk to about emotional issues either because they are innately driven to try to solve problems, rather than listening; which can make matters worse. Men can easily confuse your need to share as an attack on them – strange, but true. When they are unable to solve the problem or cannot follow the conversation they become irritable. Remember, men need to feel that there is something for them to fix; when you just need to vent, be sure to tell them up front to avoid unnecessary arguments.

BEST FRIENDS –
These are the best people to have those deep emotional conversations. All those extra words left at the end of the day are best spent here. In general, you have known these people from your youth and have shared many of life’s ups and downs. They love you and are excited about your personal growth; plus as women, they want to talk just like you do. The only word of caution here is to never mention anything that would embarrass your parents or your spouse. Some times it is hard not to tell it all; but just as you would never divulge the most intimate details of your best friend’s dramas with your husband or parents; then preserve their confidence as well.

ASSOCIATES –
You connect with this set through a common activity like work or a social organization; or through a mutual friend or spouse. They may never move to the best friend status, but there is no reason not to enjoy their company and conversation; just keep it light. Their loyalties are not as strong as the other groups and they should not be EXPECTED to be responsible with those intimate details of your life; and definitely not your dreams! Only tell them what you would not mind hearing in the streets.

If none of the aforementioned holds true for you, there is no shame in seeking professional counsel. These people are bound by ethics to keep everything you say confidential because you pay them to listen– so have your say and share away.

#4. Women Need to Smile.

With the current economic issues; expressions of genuine delight are few and far between. More and more women have become victims of wearing their emotions and worries on their face. Instead of laugh lines, we have life lines. Just think of the last time somebody told you, “my, you have a pretty smile.” If it has been a THAT LONG , please do not rush to the nearest cosmetic counter; that will only disguise the conflict within. What I am suggesting is much cheaper, and ten (10) times better than all the latest beauty regimens, Botox® or even a Jessica Simpson do-it-yourself weave job. It is called a SMILE!

Ladies, I hate to break it to you, but in this world, we will always have wars, economic crises, storms of life and the like, but take pleasure in knowing that we will also have sunrises and sunsets, people we love and who love us in return, and a plethora of personal blessings – more than we can count on both hands and feet. And there is nothing disingenuous about smiling even in hard times. As nurturers to the entire human race, a woman’s smile can be just as important as her touch. It really does warm the heart when it is offered sincerely.

Women are most attractive when they smile. So I challenge women to change their facial expressions. Start by making a simple commitment to think of your favorite things at least three times a day for a minimum of 30 seconds – and then smile. In fact, you will not even have to try; the smile will probably burst through because you have not given yourself permission to have these thoughts in a long time. By the time you have practiced this little ritual for 30 days consistently, you will have established a habit that will hopefully change your life and your looks! Hey ladies, better looks in 30 days with no costs – now, that is something to SMILE about.

Some notable quotes about “smiles”:


Smile - it increases your face value. ~Author Unknown

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile. ~Author Unknown

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~Charles Gordy

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. ~Author Unknown

Always remember to be happy because you never know who's falling in love with your smile. ~Author Unknown

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ~Author Unknown

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~Charles Reade

You're never fully dressed without a smile. ~Martin Charnin

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

#3. Women Need to Think More and Flirt Less.

This topic came to my attention when asked if I thought men and women could be friends. My answer was an immediate, “yes, in fact, absolutely." I desperately wanted to defend the right of every single woman to have as many male friends as possible. I always did and they came in handy. So my strongest argument hung on the fact that there are women who need these relationships with men, especially if they do not have male relatives with muscle power for things like:

• Moving
• Fixing the car
• Carrying large or heavy items
• Providing assistance when safety is a concern, i.e. stranded on a highway, locked out of your car in the evening, etc.
  

I further reasoned that it would be nice if every woman was strong enough to carry every load, had enough flow to pay for the manpower she needs and was able to keep herself out of precarious situations; but the truth is that on occasion you need a hand, and a nice date to the movie - so what's a girl to do?

My gentlemanly counterpart, being very familiar with his gender and their attraction to women, casually advised me of some other options, even for women with a low male family count:

• Her place of worship
• Friends and their spouses
• Hiring a Professional! The cost here could easily be less if you factor in emotions.

I knew he was right in theory, but I wanted to believe in the purity of my current and past relationships with men. Moreover, I did not want to believe that any guy that I considered “just a friend” was anything more. But wait. What I had forgotten was how the male-female relationship usually develops:

1. Eye contact,
2. A little flirting,
3. Numbers or contact information exchanged,
4. Frequent conversations, many early morning or late evening,

Then presto! You wake up one day connected at the hip. The only reason a guy would not make it to the boyfriend/dating level would be a realization somewhere along this short path that the relationship was not a good fit. Trust your first instincts (I'll cover this in another post). In that case, he would become the guy you call when you need some work done around your house or a casual date to the movie.

The only problem with this oh-so-typical scenario is that “he” probably still has an interest (sexual at best) in “her”. While she is being naive and thinking we are just buddies, he has figured out that if he fixes this and solves that long enough, then he will get exactly what he always wanted. Men tend to grow on women, and vice versa, so without clear boundaries that so-called platonic friendship is ruined. At this point, you can forget the odd jobs and the free lunches.

Do not get me wrong. I am not suggesting that men are out there preying on women’s vulnerabilities, but I will say that a normal, red-blooded man is not hanging around a woman for nothing. Just as we women know how to turn on the charm and manipulate men to get what we want. Men can be just as cunning in terms of getting their needs met.

So again, women need to think more and flirt less. Be smart and proactive. Get AAA, or some type of emergency roadside assistance. Reestablish those relationships with male family members. Be a woman with integrity. Ask yourself, “Am I leading him on?” or “Why is he so available to me?” If he is not going to be the man in your life right now; then let him know and let him go. Men are not so friendly when they feel that they have been used.

Remember, there is no need to collect men for rainy days. You will only end up being miserable and wet.

#2. We Want to Act Like a Boy - at least for a day

At least once in her life, a woman has thought about how different her world would be if she were a boy. I like Beyonce's song. I can only add that boys get to blame everything on work or their nature, they are never judged as harshly as girls, all the double-standards tend to be in their favor, they do not have certain physical demands on their body on a monthly basis, they cannot carry or give birth to children, and they can still get love even if they are old, fat and ugly.

Hopefully boys will all develop into men, because while we women may want to act like one every once in a blue moon and shrug off responsibility and throw caution to the wind; the truth of the matter is that a real Woman desires a grown Man!

#1. Women Need a Man that loves God but does not confuse himself with God.

In general, men are the strength that God did not bless women with naturally. When they are in their element they appear all powerful and in control, as if they could conquer the world and fight every battle with success. Yet, man is fallible and can sometimes do more harm than good. God is only good and will never fail. Don't get it twisted. There are problems in life that a man cannot fix and unfortunately, most of them occur in human relationships with women!

For instance, when a woman is going through the storms of life, inwardly she may know that God is controlling the forces of nature and she will have to submit to whatever happens but she still may worry. At this point in life her basic need is shelter and a safety. Now her man may believe that she needs to become superwoman and fly through the storm doing all the things that she usually does while wearing an "S" on her chest. He does not seem to notice, or he does not care to notice, that she is not only tattered on the outside but she is bruised on the inside. Her countenance is not as bright as before because of the worries that she is trying to overcome. She struggles to put on a happy face and be strong. So his unsympathetic acknowledgement of the obvious is not what this situation requires; any mirror might tell her those things. What she possibly needs is a hug, a good cry, someone to listen, prayer and an "I love you"; not a critique of what is wrong with her.

Men, if you cannot change her circumstances, then just offer your love and support. Resist the urge to judge. Allow God to do the chastising and rebuking; allow Him to fill her open spaces in those lowly places within in her soul, so that He might perfect her in time. Your brand of help or tough love may work with the boys but you could easily damage the work that has begun in her. So do not try to manage her life or change her, even if you have the best of intentions. Simply, be there (safety and security) for her, be that strong arm to lean on, and trust God to use you wherever needed. Here is a good one, ask her to tell you what she needs.

Know that whatever first attracted the two of you to one another is still there, but this season (short or long) she is journeying through is necessary and it is not for you to fix. You are not God and should not have that burden. This too will pass, and if you are fortunate to survive it together, your relationship will be all the better for it.

It's a New Day!

Okay, so I'm not talking about our President- elect, although, that is the case, but rather, it is a "new day" for underestimated. My focus has changed to reflect the issues that I am most passionate about as a woman and want to share with the global world, hence "what women want and need".

It is not just about relationships though; it is about a woman's perspective on life in general. I hope this blog will bless at least one person. If so, it will be worth it.

Enjoy.

God Bless America!!!

Obama suggested that, "Yes We Can!"
The votes proved that, "Yes We Did!"
The future holds that, "Yes We Will!"
God Bless America!!!

Today, America has won. There should be no sore losers.

I pray that this country will move together to change what is wrong and to do what is right.

This is not a time to stop praying, but to increase our prayers.

"This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants,
who give their full time to governing."
Romans 13:6 (NIV)

Does God care who you vote for?

There is this quote by John Quincy Adams: "Duty is ours, results are God's". A very sensible reference for the current day. And with all the emotions and prayers being lifted up for one candidate versus another, it led me to ponder whether God tells people who to vote for? I heard someone say that if I pray about who to vote for and you pray about it also, but we come up with two different answers, then one of us is wrong. Is it impossible for God to tell one person to vote for one candidate and another to do the opposite? In this case, who actually heard from God? Can God split His vote? Does He even care who you vote for?

I am sure that by this evening, there will be those who say that they heard from God if their candidate wins, but if he does not, they will blame it on those other people who were not obedient. Like the aforementioned quote suggests, I tend to believe that if you pray, which gives you peace knowing you went to God first, and then you seek information to understand each candidate's platform before casting your vote; then you have done your part. Read no more into the process, and let God do the rest. Regardless of the results, Americans will have a new President-elect, and he will be due the honor and respect befitting the title.

Not My America - Spread the Wealth!

What is wrong with “spreading the wealth”? Some are treating it like spreading the flu. Are we no longer our brother’s keeper? Has America forgotten to help out our fellow man? This country has an incredible disparity between the rich and the other classes. While some are living in homes that could accommodate every member of your family, there are many who have lost their jobs, homes, and retirement incomes. Hey, we bailed out Wall Street, so why not give a little relief to the American people. Let’s spread the wealth!

Most rich people with a conscience would tell you that the little tax increase proposed in an Obama administration would be only fair in lieu of our current economic conditions and social needs. Additionally, they are aware of their abilities to afford the best tax accountants and attorneys in order to pay the least amount of taxes possible. That is what money does for you. It allows you to pay for services unknown to the “average Joe”. So Joe the Plumber and his cohorts, who are whining about an increase in their taxes are being plain selfish. Be glad that you are able to earn $250,000 or more, in a sour economy. Be glad that you can work for yourself each day and do something that you love. For the more you do for others from the heart, the more you will be blessed in return. After while, you will not even notice what you thought would be a burden. Let's spread the wealth!

So how in the world can shoot ‘em up bang bang, wannabe VP, Sarah Palin endorse stifling the middle class and poor but letting the rich continue to run wild, when she claims to be for average Americans? That concept is oxymoronic in itself, for when did Republicans become the saviors of the poor? Republicans are mainly faith based people, which is to be respected; however when it comes to those with less, they seem to turn the other cheek. Undoubtedly, they have confused the scriptures and forgotten to ask "what would Jesus do?" Instead of serving mammon -Let’s spread the wealth!

Let’s especially help the middle class, the red-headed step child. For years, this group has been footing the bill for everyone. Middle class America is the backbone of this country. They are the workers at these small and large corporations, searching for ways to find their own financial independence; they are the spenders who drive this economy and make purchases on a tight budget, splurging only out of necessity; they are the borrowers who want to achieve the American dream of home ownership and send their children to college so they can have a better life; and they are the tax-payers who sustain both rich and the poor alike. Supporting these people, supports what American stands for – one nation under God indivisible with liberty and justice for all – not just the affluent. Let’s spread the wealth!

K.I.S.S.: Teach A Man to Wash Clothes (Laundry)

You both have to work because the economy is more than on shaky ground these days. Furthermore, you cannot afford to lose another wool sweater, nor have all your beige blouses turned blue, just because he wants to pitch in and do some cleaning around the house. You could use the help but he needs to be equipped. Now is the time to teach your man (and perhaps, your children) how to do the laundry. In fact, just print this out and tape it to the washing machine door.

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K.I.S.S.: Your Closet

In a busy world we need a simple way to access the clothes in our closet and create functional fashions in minutes.

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Book Review: The World Is Flat

It is amazing how much you can learn about a person by analyzing what they allow into their psyche. So I enjoy asking people that I am interested in getting to know better, “ what was the last book you read?” This question is very strategic for people will often start many books and never finish them. If they happen to read a book in its entirety they had to find it somewhat appealing and so I’m always curious as to why. So what have you read lately?

For me it was this book that has been hanging in the balance for quite some time - “The World is Flat” by Thomas L. Friedman. It is The New York Times columnist’s analysis of 21st-century economics and foreign policy and it has been listed on the National Best Sellers list for 36 weeks. I was first introduced to this book by my mother over a year ago, as it was a part of her course material in college, but I did not pay it much attention. Then over a month ago, my cousin, the investment banker, handed me the book and suggested that I read it, espousing that it would answer a lot of questions I asked of him the day before regarding the global economy. I personally felt he did a fair job of fielding my inquiries so I casually perused through the manuscript that night, read a few lines and then used it as decoration for the room. I like the look of books; they make me appear more intelligent. But most recently, a close friend that knew I had the book asked if I had finished reading it and I had to admit that I had not given it much thought. So in the midst of the financial meltdown on Wall Street, and the government bail out/buy in, whatever they want to call it; I felt an extreme compulsion to find out if there was something I needed to know that I did not know already. In two days I digested 473 pages of text, and much to my chagrin as a business graduate, I learned that I had fallen behind.

One of my favorite quotes by Louis Pasteur reads, “Fortune favors the prepared mind” and was appropriately included in this book. Friedman revealed a reoccurring theme that if we Americans are not reinventing ourselves and using our creative imaginations in this flattening market then we will be left behind by the Chinese and Indians who are seeking such opportunities. A test to any good form of media is my reaction, and this book made me want to change how I was living my life and to engage others in the process of preparation for a world that is flat. I have long wanted to pursue some creative talents but I must now reevaluate higher education in a science or mathematics related field to remain competitive. Why? Because I’m not quite ready for retirement (do I even have any retirement income?) and there are Chinese and Indians ready and willing to outwork and outsmart Americans, 24/7/365, for a taste of the kind of lives you and I have taken for granted. Those days of entitlement are over. Some of us did not even know we had it so good.

But we can grasp that America's place in the world is different from the way it was just 10 years ago. The playing field is being leveled and the rules are still being written. High skill/high wage and fungible jobs have already been lost to outsourcing, insourcing and offshoring within this new globalization - the players are suited up and ready to play. Yet many Americans are all too consumed with reality television with the stars, and teenagers living elitist lifestyles, while the American economy is going through a major metamorphosis. Why are we so distracted? Where is our game face? I say, if you want to escape that badly, read this book and others like it, find a way to make yourself indispensable, militate those around you and please, educate the children about the true REALITY of a new expanding world that is flat. Game on.

So again, what have you read?

Not My America - Politics and Palin

I have voted since I was 18 years old, in fact, I remember registering to vote during Mr. Rubin’s AP American History class in the fall of my senior year. It was a rite of passage in a way; from merely learning about government to exercising my freedom to participate in the political process. And since that day, I have never missed an opportunity to vote. Never! And never have I felt the passion and zeal that I do for this election. So much seems to be at stake. I’m personally affected in a way that I never have been before and I know so many others who feel the same way. So as we get closer to Super Tuesday, I wanted to share my thoughts and concerns about the Republican candidate for Vice President, Sarah Palin, in hopes that you will help me.

First of all, who is Governor Sarah Palin? What makes her “appropriate” to become the Vice President of the United States of America? Well, last night at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis-Saint Paul, MN, she sought to set the record straight about her background and I was all geared up to hear it. Having watched her speak when McCain first introduced her as his “woman” of choice, because you knew it would be a woman, right? I’m not sure I gleaned any additional information about her as a person from her speech. What I perceive is that she is very aggressive and on the attack. In her words “a pit-bull with lipstick." As a woman, I can respect her tough girl act because politics on this level means playing with the big boys, however, I still have two major concerns with her speech and perhaps, with her:

The Comparison. Why is she comparing herself to Barack Obama? Why is ANYONE comparing Palin to Obama? Is this a minority issue – black versus female? Are we back to that again, or should I ask, have the Republicans picked up where the Clintons, oops, I mean where the primaries left off? But at least when Hillary was the opponent, she and Obama were on the same turf. Obama is running for the highest office in the land and Palin is the opponent’s running mate. That does not make sense to me. Are her complaints about Obama relevant to McCain as well? Was he ever a city council member, mayor, governor? Does this mean he has no executive experience either?

The Family. Should family be off limits? When you enter a political contest you must be aware that the roof comes off the house and your life is now a reality show. It comes with the territory, which is why so many great candidates choose not to run. Remember Colin Powell? How great is he? I read that he declined to run for president in 2000, mainly to protect his wife’s privacy? Family first, right? Well, Palin has an interesting family. Her husband Todd, of 2 decades and 5 years have 2 boys and 3 girls in between. Her youngest, Trig, has downs syndrome and she shared that “children with special needs inspire a very special special love” and went as far as to “pledge that you will have a friend, an advocate in the White house". Having a sister with autism I can appreciate her stance because this part of our society is too often overlooked and dismissed as useless. I really hope she will be an advocate for special needs children and adults even if she does not make it to Pennsylvania Avenue. However, the bigger topic of the day is whether she will advocate for teaching safe sex or abstinence in schools? With the boom in teenage pregnancies and the amount of sexually transmitted diseases associated - this is a topic to be addressed, but she did not do so last night. So what message is she sending to the American people? Palin says her family has the “same ups and downs as others.” Does the awareness that she has five children, one with special needs and one (a teenager) with child, make her more amiable to you? Ultimately, is it her best decision to pursue this role with so many family matters on her plate? Is Palin putting her family first? Is this a fair representation of her leadership style? I don't know, do you?

Again, there is a lot at stake and America needs the right leadership for the right type of change. Furthermore, when you come out swinging you have to be prepared to take a few punches. I owe it to myself to examine all the candidates, male or female, black or white. Sure, I have my preference and I've had my say, but I'm open to hearing from you in your own words.