#3. Women Need to Think More and Flirt Less.

This topic came to my attention when asked if I thought men and women could be friends. My answer was an immediate, “yes, in fact, absolutely." I desperately wanted to defend the right of every single woman to have as many male friends as possible. I always did and they came in handy. So my strongest argument hung on the fact that there are women who need these relationships with men, especially if they do not have male relatives with muscle power for things like:

• Moving
• Fixing the car
• Carrying large or heavy items
• Providing assistance when safety is a concern, i.e. stranded on a highway, locked out of your car in the evening, etc.
  

I further reasoned that it would be nice if every woman was strong enough to carry every load, had enough flow to pay for the manpower she needs and was able to keep herself out of precarious situations; but the truth is that on occasion you need a hand, and a nice date to the movie - so what's a girl to do?

My gentlemanly counterpart, being very familiar with his gender and their attraction to women, casually advised me of some other options, even for women with a low male family count:

• Her place of worship
• Friends and their spouses
• Hiring a Professional! The cost here could easily be less if you factor in emotions.

I knew he was right in theory, but I wanted to believe in the purity of my current and past relationships with men. Moreover, I did not want to believe that any guy that I considered “just a friend” was anything more. But wait. What I had forgotten was how the male-female relationship usually develops:

1. Eye contact,
2. A little flirting,
3. Numbers or contact information exchanged,
4. Frequent conversations, many early morning or late evening,

Then presto! You wake up one day connected at the hip. The only reason a guy would not make it to the boyfriend/dating level would be a realization somewhere along this short path that the relationship was not a good fit. Trust your first instincts (I'll cover this in another post). In that case, he would become the guy you call when you need some work done around your house or a casual date to the movie.

The only problem with this oh-so-typical scenario is that “he” probably still has an interest (sexual at best) in “her”. While she is being naive and thinking we are just buddies, he has figured out that if he fixes this and solves that long enough, then he will get exactly what he always wanted. Men tend to grow on women, and vice versa, so without clear boundaries that so-called platonic friendship is ruined. At this point, you can forget the odd jobs and the free lunches.

Do not get me wrong. I am not suggesting that men are out there preying on women’s vulnerabilities, but I will say that a normal, red-blooded man is not hanging around a woman for nothing. Just as we women know how to turn on the charm and manipulate men to get what we want. Men can be just as cunning in terms of getting their needs met.

So again, women need to think more and flirt less. Be smart and proactive. Get AAA, or some type of emergency roadside assistance. Reestablish those relationships with male family members. Be a woman with integrity. Ask yourself, “Am I leading him on?” or “Why is he so available to me?” If he is not going to be the man in your life right now; then let him know and let him go. Men are not so friendly when they feel that they have been used.

Remember, there is no need to collect men for rainy days. You will only end up being miserable and wet.