Blog Finale

Dear Readers,

Today, May 28, 2009, I am writing my last blog for this season. Who can say with certainty what will happen in the future, but for now, I am turning in my Wordpress and BlogSpot accounts for loftier goals. My main objective for blogging was to simply journal, something I have done since I was in middle school, but because I am also a private person; I was always a little intimidated by strangers reading my personal diary, and I never wanted to appear narcissistic. To flip the script, I would cleverly change the stories around or create a scenario, in an attempt to take the focus off of me. There was always a hint of truth in my blogs, but not quite the whole story. While this was fun for a moment, my passion to write a book and develop a screenplay remained on the back burner. Well, not entirely, I did write a book, but then I got so afraid that it was a rush job and my spirit has not allowed me to publish it. How could I call myself a true artist if I did not believe in my own work? Consequently, my “first book” has become this lost project, buried in a heap of incomplete dramas and technical works.

Then one day, my cousin invited me to her singles group, and I reluctantly attended, although I knew my spirit was gnawing at me to go. Once there, I was reminded that I was not using my talents as commissioned. While some people may be unaware of their passions and talents and purposes; I do not have that luxury of ignorance. Instead, I had gotten comfortable excusing myself from my passion to learn a new job, and to relocate, and to do this and to do that and the other. I was filling my space with so many others things to worry about, so I would not have to deal with the fact that I had abandoned my gift. In retrospect, I can see that I used the blogs to say I was still writing when I was only writing amiss. Come on, three blogs, and no monetizing. Perhaps I could have convinced myself that this was God's plan if any of the three was at least earning a profit, but that was not the case and we all know that God does not dwell in confusion. While I believe the portions from my blogs will be used in later literary works, I know that it is time to "stop pussy-footing around and get back to work," as my Grandmother would say.

There is a three part test to passion in my estimation: peace, compensation, and completion. I believe without equivocation that writing is my passion, because it calms me and provides a level of peace only comparable to my devotions with God. Further, I obviously would write regardless of compensation. Lastly, there is a void in my life when I am not following this destiny. Whenever I try to fill my life with other things, I still end up lonely and incomplete. In those situations, I need to stop whatever I am doing - in my case "blogging" - and get back on track - "write this manuscript as if it contained my last breath".

Just as Moses was no great orator but was used to set a nation free; I know I am not the finest writer yet I am inspired to write this book, not for personal validation, but as a voice to be shared with the world. My first book will not be business motivational one I have been rewriting for months, but it IS a comedic love story about trust, passion and religion. And God willing, the next blog you receive from me will be an invitation to read my new novel!!! Until then, I want to thank all of my readers and feeders and those who added a comment on Facebook or sent me a message directly to my email. Your feedback was always appreciated and I hope you received a blessing from something you read.
With Peace & Love Always,

Leah

Need to get away? Explore YMT Vacations

May is still a great time to begin planning our summer vacations. Imagine spending 15 days in Hawaii touring 4 fantastic tropical islands. Waking up on the beach, walking through the sand by day, and watching a beautiful sunset every evening. Well, YMT Vacations can make it happen, even on a budget. Their paradise tours include inter-coastal airfare and loads of fun for everyone.

If you really want to plan the mother of all trips to Europe, the Canadian Rockies or to take an Alaskan cruise; YMT Vacations is a premier source. Their European cruises and tours are still very budget conscious without lessening all the excitement you would enjoy when booking pricier packages. YMT Vacations specializes in offering full-service vacations for mature travelers for over forty years and worth exploring before you finalize your traveling itinerary.

Upgrade your home with K-Designers

Have you heard of the phrase, “it is cheaper to keep her?” Well the saying is based on the expense of divorcing your wife compared to just sticking it out for the sake of your finances. In comparison, if you have an old home that has been worn down over the years, your first thought may be to trade her in for a newer model. However in this current economy, that may be easier said than done. Instead, it is likely more feasible to take the aforementioned advice and just spruce your home up a little with the help of K-Designers.

It is amazing, the enhancement that can be made when you call on the professional services of K-Designers. These designers and remodelers can give you that new home at an old address with upgrades to your façade using the type of quality products that have made them the #1 remodeler in the Western United States. K-Designers can give your home the facelift it needs and there is no cost until the job is completed and you are 100% satisfied.

Mother's day flowers

Say “I love you, Mom” this Sunday, May 10, 2009, with flowers. Why you ask? Well, girls from age nine to ninety enjoy receiving beautiful flowers. It makes us feel special. Whether it is a single bud or a bouquet, a corsage worn on the wrist or over the heart, or a vase full of roses, gardenias, or lilies; make it a Mothers day flower undeniably for mom.

If you are fortunate to have a Mother and a Grandmother, like I am, then do not forget to include your “Nana” or “Mema” on this special day. She is deserving of a Mothers day flower as well. At 1800flowers.com, you can view all sorts of gift options, in addition, you can order directly from their website making gift giving quick and easy.

#32. Women should constantly seek God.

Yes, these are trying, changing times but God is always the same. If He has all the answers then why don’t we trust him more with our daily affairs? I believe it is important that we take time at the start of each morning to seek His eternal wisdom for the day. Then we need to check back in with Him throughout the day to make sure we are still on the right track. An easy exercise for this would be to meditate or pray as often as we “tweet” or “face book”. I know I have noticed that I am networking sometimes more with strangers than I am with the One who holds my breath in His hand. Lastly, I think it is important that we close our day with gratitude to God for all He has done for and through us. Keeping our attention on the One who can keep us from falling will strengthen us, protect us and provide whatever we need. I hope you all will spend less time worrying about the economy and more time with Creator.

Peace and Love,

#31. Women should never go on The Bachelor!

Women should never go on The Bachelor. If you have not figured it out then by chance you will enjoy this writer's take on the subject. I did so much that I had to post a link to it on my blog for your review:

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It?): Episode 59
http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/03/single-ladies-put-a-ring-on-it-episode-59.html

Although, I do not support The Bachelor, I still support a 2010 Black Bachelorette. If the show continues to air, then why not?

Peace & Love,

#30. Women and American viewers need a black "Bachelorette" for 2010.

Enough with The Bachelor television series and its 100% failure rate; this show is just a front for nice guys who want to fondle twenty-five (25) women over the course of eight weeks without spending a dime on one of them. Can you imagine this guy doesn’t even have to pay for the engagement ring? The only commitment the Bachelor makes is in fulfilling most men’s dream of dating beautiful women, at the same time, and taking them to romantic destinations gratis. Not too bad of a gig. If I were I guy, I would sign up too.

But the poor women, constantly cooing and crying over a “husband” that will never be. On the other hand, The Bachelorette has held a slightly better record with the marriage of Trista and Ryan in 2003. Nothing much has happened on the show since, but there is potential. That opportunity comes with finding a Black Bachelorette. Not one of those Flavor Flav types – with their rap video appeal. I’m suggesting an African-American woman with a lot of class, professionalism, basically a woman with nothing missing but the “man”.

Black women, typically prefer to date and marry black men, but with the state of the black American male being disproportionately higher (than other races) for disease, incarceration, and homosexuality – the choices are scarce, leaving exceptional, educated, strong black women home alone. On top of that, black males like all males, feel very free to date all races of women and are exercising that right without regret. ABC could capitalize on this racial imbalance by introducing the fortunate Bachelorette to “Something New” (men of different ethnicities). Of course, there should be African American men to choose from, as well, since that is her normal preference. But what a top-rated show (The Bachelorette 2010) would be if the world could watch this beautiful, mature woman break down boundaries and open up to men of all races in order to find a life-long mate.

Just as I challenge the black woman, who is uncomfortable dating outside of her race, I challenge ABC to make this happen – in the name of long lasting love, of course. I think I hear wedding bells. Tell me what you think?

#29. Women Need Love - Listed

I make excuses on occasion like the next person but I am always a lady of my word. The rules may even change slightly but I still get the job done, I work, baby. If I said I would share 28 of my favorite love songs, movies, etc., then by golly that is what I am going to do! Who cares if it is February 27, 2009, and I am only on #8. All I need is ten minutes and I can dish out a list of the last 20 in descending David Letterman fashion:

#20. My Best Friend’s Wedding – when Julia Roberts and the guy who plays her best friend are on the boat and she wants to tell him that she loves him. Frank Sinatra’s “The Way You Look Tonight” is playing in the background and as they approach the bridge you can feel the tension rising, will she tell him, I hope she tells him, but she can’t. He looks disappointed and she feels she has lost her golden opportunity. I find that romantic in a bizarre unrequited sort of way. Julia’s character reminds me of myself and how full I feel inside but I have the hardest time showing it – I am much better in writing!

#19. This song has been played to death recently, and then resurrected. Still, I think it is one of the best. “At Last” by Etta James. Sorry B., gotta give love to those who paved the way.

#18. “Love Ballad” by LTD is a throw-back favorite. If you like George Benson you will be scatting to his version.

#17. “My Funny Valentine” sung by anybody. My favorite rendition is this one by Anita Baker.

#16. “My First Love”. Ooooohhh…this brings back memories, when love was pure and innocent. Cannot share all the details but if ever a song told the truth – “long as I live, you will be my first love.”…You know who you are.

#15. Splendor in the Grass with Warren Beatty and Natalie Wood. Another sad love story that I can’t get enough of. Rich guy and poor girl fall in love, want to have sexual relations, both receive misguided advice, girl goes crazy, boy ends up poor and married anyway. At least that is how I recall it.

#14. “Endless Love” by Lionel Ritchie and Diana Ross is a timeless love song. This video may not be appropriate for children.

#13. Stevie Wonder is a musical genius, and he "Knocks Me off My Feet” with this 70’s love ballad.

#12. The Titanic Movie and Theme Song – “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion. You saw the movie, need I say more.

#11. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. In college I had the lead role in an emotionally charged play about how a man ought to love a woman, and one of the girls sang this song. She brought down the house. I loved acting and being on stage, and I will always love this song for reminding me of those days.

#10. “Longer Than” by Dan Fogleberg is a poem set to music.

#9. Anita also gets the nod for “Sweet Love”! I had my first snotty cry to this song. A crush in middle school on a high-school boy who had eyes for my best friend left me heart-broken. How could he not notice me!!! We dated later in life and the reality could not hold a candle to what I had envisioned in my mind. Some crushes should never be fulfilled.

#8. The Song of Solomon is the most poetic love story ever told, in the greatest book that was ever written.

#7. C’mon this is the song about loving life and living it with the one you love – “100 years” by Five for Fighting. Whenever I hear it I just feel good.

#6. They say that love creates poets. Jill Scott put it down in “He Loves Me” and made me want to have whatever she was having!!! She does that with a lot of her songs. I love you Jill!

#5. My sweetie sent me this little ditty to tell me he was “Ready for Love”. I fell in love with the song instantly, and I began to fall for the sender as well.

#4. “A Song for You” by Donny Hathaway is a bitter-sweet melody that reminds us that life may be end, but love is forever.

#3. “Love” by musiq soulchild. Self explanatory.

#2. “If It Wasn’t For Your Love” by Heather Headley – Beautiful song! You can just feel the sincerity in every word. The first time I heard it I literally cried.

#1. “The Prayer” by Celine Dion and Josh Groban is my number one Love song. The music, the singers, and the lyrics. What can be lovelier than a talk with God, my TRUE FIRST LOVE!!!

Where is the love?

I know you are wondering what happened to the love we once shared? Well, blogging, much like your love life, gets pushed aside when "LIFE" gets in the way. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, "people do what they want to do", and in theory I believe that to be true. However, I love to write and post these blogs but was unable to keep that commitment. Does that mean I really do not enjoy writing? In the case of "love" - if your significant other did not shower you with lavish gifts on Valentine's day, or vice versa, does that mean that the love is gone? I hope not. Why limit yourself to one day anyway? I cannot speak for all cases, but honestly, there are times when things that we do not enjoy as much have to take a precedence, i.e. taxes, moving, pumping gas, doing laundry. These mundane activities are all a part of life. My only advice is to not make a HABIT of putting things that are materialistic and temporal before the people you love and those spiritual connections that matter most...Hopefully we will return to love sometime tomorrow. I'm working on it.

Lovingly submitted,

#28. Women Need Love - Act 8

Don’t you admire those couples who keep it fresh and popping year after year? I know I do. Whenever I see a mature couple holding hands, or in a restaurant or the bookstore acting like honeymooners; I cannot help but smile and hope that one day I will be the one being admired for the same attributes.

I also respect, with great curiosity, a man who insists he knew he would marry his wife at the first moment he saw her. I have good friends who have been married for nearly two decades with that experience, and I have knowledge of some others. That is just crazy to me, though, especially when I consider how women often think, or hope “he” is “the one” only to find out he definitely IS NOT. As I am writing this, however, I now recall a male friend, Hunky Hank*, telling me that he thought God told him Hyper Heather* was going to be his wife. (*The names have been changed to protect the innocent). Oh Lord, and I now I remember hearing that Buffed Brad* told someone, who told me, that he was going to marry me one day. Too funny! Somebody either got the message wrong or is in disobedience, because we know God cannot lie. But it does prove that guys get emotional too and miss the mark, and in my aforementioned scenario, that can be a huge blessing.

Still, kudos goes out to those who recognized LOVE from the start, were obedient and are still hanging tight; abiding until the end. This song, one of my favorites by Music Soulchild is dedicated to you: Don't Change.

If you happen to be one of those fortunate couples, I would sincerely love to hear your story.

V-Day Gift Idea

Valentine’s Day is just four days away but it is still enough time to send all the people you love and appreciate a very special gift. If you need quick and easy, you may consider sending flowers to those near or far. And nothing says “I love you”, “I like you”, or “I would like to get to know you better” like a dozen roses. The presentation alone is priceless. Last year, I received roses from a male friend, and they were packaged so beautifully, my entire office was gawking. They made me want to give him another chance – no, not really! But my point is that I still remember the gift.

Roses also come in an assortment of colors, and each shade has its own meaning, allowing you to give them to anyone you like. Red is for love, pink is for appreciation, yellow is for friendship, and white is for purity, and there are even more choices. The season of love is not sexist nor is it just for couples. So send a single rose or a dozen to your friends and family members.

#27. Women Need Love - Act 7

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

But is this sage advice or sweet-sounding movie gibberish? I think it is a little of both, but isn’t that the reason we listen to songs and watch movies that pull at our heart strings, anyway? It is an innate desire to have that which is better than us; it is our escape.

These famous lines are taken from the aptly titled movie, “Love Story”, one of my favorite date flicks. And although the words are idealistic, the movie deals with tear-jerking realizations and circumstances; making the beautiful young characters even more amiable.

Check it out this week, if you can, and let me know what you think. If you have already seen it, do you agree that this one of the best of all times?

#26. Women Need Love - Act 6

I would be remiss if I did not tell you that LOVE begins with You. In fact it was Jesus who said in Luke 10:27 when asked about inheriting eternal life…"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
He knew as we have learned that it is IMPOSSIBLE to love anyone unless and until you can look in the mirror and love yourself, from FLAWED to FABULOUS.

In essence, all we are is transporters; constantly transferring our emotions onto others. If you do not love yourself then you will try to transfer those negative feelings about you onto me, and I am not going to like you very much!!! In fact, I am going to avoid you because I like feeling good. On the other hand, if you find that you have an amorous appreciation for who God created you to be and your validation is found in Him, then you will be ready, willing and able (remember Love is a Verb) to love others, forgive others, encourage others, hope the best for others – you get my point.

My sassy song choice to go along with today’s post was written way back in 1937 by Irving Berlin. Enjoy "I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm", by Jazz giant, Billie Holiday.

Also find tips on “How To Celebrate Valentine’s Day if You are a Single Woman” on eHow.

Love Yourself,

#25. Women Need Love - Act 5

Janie Mae Crawford hoped to find true love in the heart of Florida; but it escaped her until she met Tea Cake. Having finally reached that apex of adoration, the union ends morbidly and Janie retires to Eatonville, the first incorporated African-American community in the nation, to tell the story.

February is Black History Month, and although the time given to the subject is not commensurate to its relevance; I am grateful for any and all occasions to celebrate the achievements of African-Americans. For me, a Southern girl, it is necessary that I pay homage to Zora Neale Hurston, a fellow Floridian, an author, folklorist, playwright and anthropologist, in my blog salute to love. The passage below is taken from her most famous novel, and illustrates Janie Crawford’s discovery of love and marriage. May your awareness be just as fruitful!!!

“She saw a dust bearing bee sink into the sanctum of a bloom; the thousand sister calxes arch to meet the love embrace and the ecstatic shiver of the tree from root to tiniest branch creaming in every blossom and frothing with delight. So this was a marriage!”

Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, J.P. Lippincott (1937).

#25. Women Need Love that is Golden

Today, I am sharing one of my favorite songs about LOVE – “Golden” by Chrisette Michele. The lyrics are provided below, so you can sing along. This smooth ballad is perfect for weddings and wedding hopefuls.

Tomorrow is dedicated to verse, so stay tuned. I will have a very timely and unique piece that you are sure to appreciate.

Lyrics to "Golden" by Chrisette Michele:

Take me back in the day when loving was pure
Love ain't going away, love is always secure
Life's not always perfect but love's always forever
Let’s let true love connect let’s try lasting together

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman can possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Be the man of my dreams and get down on one knee, love
Say you'll be all I need and then ask me to marry you, my love
Let’s take two golden bands and let’s walk down the aisle, love
I'll say I do and you'll say I do, make a golden commitment, oh

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Let's last forever (let's last forever)
No typical American shady love
Let's stay together (let's stay together)
Pray God smile upon ours

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be, yes I will
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all
and I'm so ready to give 'til the day that my life is no more
I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be
Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden

Golden
Golden
oh oh my
Golden
Golden love
Cause commitment is golden
Mmm mmm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XR8faAjj2o

#24. Women Need Love - Act 3

Happy couples make me happy. Even in what should be dismal circumstances, the true test of love shines bright. Today I received an example, and it made me cry, tears of delight of course. I am already a softy when it comes to men revealing their genuine emotions about their wives; and my sensitivity is heightened when that man is battling cancer, most of his jaw is missing, and he must type into a computer to speak.

His name is Roger Ebert. He is half of the once dynamic movie critic duo, Siskel & Ebert. During an interview today, he expressed his gratitude for his wife and how she has been his rock, allowing him to remain a consummate professional and a man – regardless of the disease. In his own words he told reporters that his 16 year relationship with his wife, Chaz,

“It’s just the most wonderful thing. I recommend marriage to everybody . You should have someone there for you twenty-four hours a day. Your lover and your friend, and somebody to say ‘you are not going to wear that shirt are you.’”

I love this and appreciate that he notices that she is going through this with him 24/7. I have witnessed couples in near death situations and you can tell the ones in love from the ones in nots. Not wanting to be there, not wanting to provide care, not wanting to be married any longer. But the loving spouse always appears to gain greater strength, enough strength to carry them both. That is likely from the deposits of love stored up over the course of their marriage. It is a beautiful awareness when this happens. It is that “in sickness and in health” vow become reality. The test begins. IF you have chosen well, in the unfortunate event that bad health strikes you or your spouse; you will have the good fortune of knowing either, you or yours, will provide love with tender and adoring hands. So choose well!

#23. Women Need Love - Act 2

Is any wedding ever complete without the scripture reading of 1 Corinthians 13(below)? This should be required reading during premarital counseling, along with an accompanying dissertation.

Sometimes humans believe that the Eros love they feel will carry them through every situation but that is backwards thinking. Romance is great and it gives us the desire to get to know one another better and it is a very pleasing part of a relationship, but it is not the end all. The unconditional, Agape love, which the apostle Paul describes in a chapter dedicated to itself, is the TRUE love that will keep the bonds of matrimony forever. In fact this love is for all mankind and all situations.

But love is too often misconstrued. People think they love but if they would cross check their actions with the words below, they might learn that they have more love yet to give.

Love is not easy, it is intentional . “LOVE” is the ultimate Inspired Action. Love is always a verb.

1 Corinthians 13:Love
1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

#22. Women Need Love

I love the month of February. I love Holidays! I simply love LOVE!

I cry when watching love stories and while listening to love songs. I am a hope(ful) romantic. Especially for a girl who cannot recall one romantic experience in her life (I’m sure there has to be at least one). Even worse, I cannot say I have ever really been “in love”. I am hoping that will change soon. In the past, I sold out to status and companionship. My mistake. What I have come to realize is that living without TRUE love is living a lie.

So today I am in love with love.

My dream is to one day be that girl in the movie that gets her prince in the end and lives happily ever after. Yes, I said it, and I believe it will come true; God willing. I want that loving feeling –not just lust. Until then, I will live vicariously through my 28 most favorite love songs/ poems/cinematic moments and I am sharing them with you each day of the month of February. Hope you love it…

#1. EVERGREEN by Barbara Streisand.

Lyrics

Love, soft as an easy chair
Love, fresh as the morning air
One love that is shared by two
I have found with you
Like a rose under the April snow
I was always certain love would grow
Love, ageless and evergreen
Seldom seen by two
You and I will make each night the first
Everyday a beginning

Spirits rise and their dance is unrehearsed
They warm and excite us
'Cause we have the brightest love
Two lights that shine as one
Morning glory and
The midnight sun

Time, we've learned to sail above
Time, won't change the meaning of one love

Ageless and ever evergreen

Link to Video:
Barbara Streisand - Evergreen - Love Theme From "A Star is Born"

Warning for Women: Are you aware of your online reputation?

Remember when your reputation had to do with the company you kept? And once you matured you were quick to correct anyone who would try to tarnish your image, because you knew that future endeavors like college and career would depend on it. Well, your online reputation is just as important. If you have ever done a search for your name on the internet, you were likely surprised to find a host of other people with the same name. I did, and my name is not that common, or so I thought. With further inspection, I have noticed that some of my namesakes are into all sorts of career choices; not necessarily ones I would chose for me. Just today, a message was sent to my Facebook account by someone wondering if I was an old friend (a common occurrence). I was NOT the person she was looking for (also common), but it reveals that information and identities are often confused.

The advent of the World Wide Web and social networking sites has created many benefits that we all use on a daily basis to make our lives easier and more pleasurable. We socialize, pay our bills, reconcile our checking accounts, review our medical records, buy our goods and services, and gather information all over the internet. Most of us do not see the need for reputation management because we are naturally good people who would never use these resources to cause harm. But what about the “home detective” shops that are overly anxious to sell, what may be, your last three addresses, phone numbers, and family secrets for a special membership rate? Or what about the online smear campaigns levied against people by sloppy journalist – these days that is anyone with a mean-spirited opinion and a website? Do you actually know what is being said about you and if it is negative, how do you respond?

Mistakes are made; identities are confused; and too many times, stolen. Unfortunately, that same bad news or misinformation can spread quicker, faster and last longer on the internet. Yet this is our greatest source for data. In fact, more and more Universities, Employers and Customers are relying on these online searches to make their decisions about you. Perhaps, now is the time to defend yourself and learn more about Online Reputation Management.

#21. Women need to have Inspired Action

Yes, this is also a new series. Just as you may enjoy reading 3 to 5 books at the same time, I enjoy writing about 3 to 5 different subjects at a time. It actually allows me to organize my thoughts into manageable topics. Good. We got that out of the way.

Now back to the subject at hand – Inspired Action. It is the type of sensible activity that challenges women to “do” things of significance in order to fulfill those goals discovered during their “me” time. What it is not – is worrying, irrational behavior, doing things in haste, or out of dread or fear. Unfortunately, due to the pace of life, it is understandable that we would spend the bulk of our day not acting from inspiration but from desperation. How can we do better? Well, some philosophers encourage you to spend 15 – 30 minutes per day working on your dreams. That is all fine and dandy, but why not make inspired action a part of your daily routine. That will be the focus of this series!

So my thought for today refers back to our infamous mother of octuplets. This morning it was revealed that this woman already has six (6) other children, she did take fertility drugs, and she has been living with her mother, and there is no information about the whereabouts of her husband. Now I don’t know a lot of about the questioning that takes place prior to receiving the nod to undergo fertility treatment, but a woman who already has six children does not fit the characteristics of an ideal candidate. Do you agree?

Unless…unless she went into this with some plan or inspired action, in mind. Let’s consider that this is not a wealthy family. By the looks of the mother’s home they may be middle-class people. Perhaps, the husband is trying to find work to provide for his substantial brood; and we know the state of our economy, so he may have battles with depression and insecurity. When all of a sudden - his wife has an idea. She is a mother and is aware that there are other women in the world who are not as fortunate to carry children to full term. These infertile women could be wonderful parents if given the opportunity and most adoptive parents want infants. They want the normal parent experience of seeing that child grow from infancy to adulthood. This mother obviously knows she IS capable of bearing children. So now we have supply and demand. I’m just wondering if possibly, instead of selling her eggs like some women are doing in order to stay afloat financially, this woman decided to get pregnant with multiple children and sell them through adoption. This is just a thought.

Actually a reader yesterday suggested that this mother give her babies to those less fortunate, and I made a comment in return to define the “less fortunate” as barren women. Then today we receive this new development, and now what seemed to be a comedic exchange could have more relevance. What do you think? Again why was she allowed to even receive fertility drugs? What are the standards? And is it “Abortion”, when a woman chooses to lessen the number of fertilized eggs created by fertility or in vitro methods? So did she make the right decision? Was this inspired action – to have a larger family, or for profit, or what? Knowing what we know now, did this mother exhibit personal responsibility?

#20. Women need to be Selfish

This is the first of a new blog series, or what I have come to define as “slogs”. In the SELFISH slogs, my plan is to examine things women can and should do to honor themselves.

By now everyone has heard about the woman who birthed octuplets, six boys and 2 girls to be exact. That’s a lot of little people packed in one belly but somehow she managed. They say this is only the second set of live-born octuplets, so there is much ado about whether the mother took fertility drugs and concerning her desire to breast feed her new bambinos. Personally, I am not interested in either. There will be no judgment from me about fertility drugs, because I considered it myself. Once I decided that I wanted to have children, I instantly connected with how many as well. Uh, eight, never, but I did want twins. But there was one big problem; twins did not run in my family or my husband’s family. So fertility drugs were a very real alternative and I still feel that way. When I do remarry, and if my husband does not carry the necessary gene, then I will certainly revisit this as an option. Secondly, what a woman says and what she does during emotional times are two different stories. Perhaps in the initial stage of bliss, with all the amazement surrounding these miraculous births, this mother really does believe she will be able to breast feed them all. Hey, those are her breasts not mine. And I wage that she may try but it won’t last long. Still I give her so much respect for even having the desire, or maybe I should be praising the drugs that dulled her pain and her senses. Wait, I said I would not judge, so I mean that in the most unbiased manner.

What I am most concerned about is this mother, this wife - this woman, first and foremost - may not have that opportunity for solitude for quite a long while. Without the proper assistance, she could easily tire herself out completely just trying to fulfill her new role. No mention of how this will affect her marriage. But again, and more importantly, where and when will she find the “me” time, we divas so desperately need? I know women with three kids who believe they need three nannies, and some who cannot control one, so what happens to the mother of eight? Well, I have a few suggestions if she is interested:

Dear Mother of 8 simultaneously,

Here are my 8 ways you can get uninterrupted “me” time for at least one-hour per day, without resorting to hiding out in the bathroom:

1. Quickly nix the whole breast feeding idea and get some formula. Pump if you must, but the reports show she will not have enough time in the day to do this anyway, and you can’t give one kid mother’s best and not the rest. Switch to the bottle fast.

2. Move your mother in so she can help. Remind her that these are her grandchildren too, and if she wants them to grow up healthy she needs to pitch in for a couple of years.

3. Make nice with the mother-in-law, and move her in as well. Same as above.

4. Invite all the older ladies at the church or in the neighborhood to take turns coming by and helping with cleaning and cooking.

5. Give your good girlfriends the pleasure of being their sounding board; only if they want to come by and help you out. This allows you your much needed girl-talk time as well.

6. Husbands need to be providers, but they helped bring these bundles of joy into the world and they need to be certain to spend time fathering them as well.

7. Seek out a diaper, formula or any baby product for an endorsement. Nothing sells like a testimonial, and you have a lot to testify about.

8. Use your new funding from the above to start a blinged out day care center. Make more money, serve your needs and serve the needs of others. That’s what I call using what you got.

I hope it helps!

#19. Women need to treasure this time in history.

This week our country will so poignantly observe two of America’s finest:

• Martin Luther King Jr., the greatest civil rights leader of all times – representing a dream for a better America.


• Barack Obama, soon to be our 44th President and the first African American president - symbolizing a dream being fulfilled.

Those who have the oomph to brave the gridlocked traffic, the freezing cold, and millions of people packed together like sardines on the National Mall, will end up with a slew of pictures and their pick of nearly 100 Presidential Inauguration Events. But the rest of us need not feel like bystanders. If I may, I would encourage you to:

1. Take the time to talk to a young person about the American Civil Rights movement. If you are not well versed on this subject, then invite them to do some research or to attend any number of the local Martin Luther King Jr. commemorative events planned for your community, and later discuss your experiences. This could be your Monday MLK activity.


2. Take the time to talk to someone from the “old guard”. Choose a person at least 70 years old, white, black or purple. Ask them about their thoughts on the Civil Rights movement to the Present (and the new Black First Family moving into the White House). This could be done on Tuesday, some time after President Obama’s inaugural address.


3. Journal about each conversation, each activity and the related emotions. Archive your notes safely for posterity.

If you care to share, or brag, about what you have planned – please be my guest. Whatever you do, Celebrate!

Lift every voice and sing,
'Til earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty;
Let our rejoicing rise
High as the listening skies,
Let it resound loud as the rolling sea.
Sing a song full of the faith that the dark past has taught us,
Sing a song full of the hope that the present has brought us;
Facing the rising sun of our new day begun,
Let us march on 'til victory is won.
Stony the road we trod,
Bitter the chast'ning rod,
Felt in the days when hope unborn had died;
Yet with a steady beat,
Have not our weary feet
Come to the place for which our fathers sighed?
We have come over a way that with tears has been watered,
We have come, treading our path through the blood of the slaughtered,
Out from the gloomy past,
'Til now we stand at last
Where the white gleam of our bright star is cast.
God of our weary years,
God of our silent tears,
Thou who has brought us thus far on the way;
Thou who has by Thy might
Led us into the light,
Keep us forever in the path, we pray.
Lest our feet stray from the places, our God, where we met Thee,
Lest, our hearts drunk with the wine of the world, we forget Thee;
Shadowed beneath Thy hand,
May we forever stand,
True to our God,
True to our native land.

"Lift Every Voice and Sing" by James Weldon Johnson

Legacy song

by Nicole Nordeman

#18. Women Need to Leave a Legacy

Someone near and dear to my heart experienced the gravest loss a couple of years ago, practically to the day. From what I have learned about his mother, not having the pleasure of knowing her personally, I am sure many hearts are heavy at this time. The last few weeks have been somber for obvious reasons; and I struggled with how to be available and sympathetic without suffocating him. Having lived through the death of a parent and my beloved grandfather, I know something about the feelings of separation and the irreplaceable void that permeates your soul. I also know that you occasionally need to be alone with your thoughts and memories in order to fill those spaces when the emptiness becomes too vast.

While determined to give him breathing space; I found myself searching for ways to not dwell on the infectious sorrow. Instead I began to marvel at the words written about his mother’s life and her compassion and service to those less fortunate. Isn’t that what we should do when someone passes? - Celebrate the life.

That energy led me to reflect on further wonderful women who had also lived with splendor - helping and unselfishly giving to others:

• Aunt Retha – the kindest, most loving, Godliest woman I have ever known. Although she never conceived children of her own; she was never child-less. A wife, a caregiver, a sister, an aunt. Everyone who knew her attempted to claim her as their living guardian angel. This woman’s prayers could reach heaven and she will be forever cherished in so many hearts all across the nation. How I miss her.
• Grandma Gussie – full of love, with a home that was always open to others. She was a wife and a mother who not only raised her children but her grandchildren. A good Christian woman who never spoke an unkind word against anyone.
• Shirley Francheville – an entrepreneur, a Godly woman, a nurse, an activist, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, a friend. Her passion for women, and female entrepreneurs is sorely missed.
• Gladys Streater – my friend’s mother, gracious, hilariously down-to-earth, a mentor to the women who worked with her and for her, a Godly woman, a grandmother, a wife, a sister, a mother to her own and to others.
• Jade Hagins – a mover and a shaker, a leader, an adoptive mother, an educator, a sweet spirit, a Delta, a sister, dedicated to the empowerment of young girls in her community.
  

The women aforementioned died years ago but the affects of their lives live on. Their works will never be forgotten and the service they rendered extended far beyond the bonds of their flesh-and-blood. Are you living a life that would foster the same response? Am I? If not, shouldn’t we? Let us live so that men and women can celebrate. Let us feed the hungry, clothe the homeless, and protect the innocent. INTENTIONALLY - let us live deliberately seeking out others to bless and show the love of God, just as these women did. So that when, not if, but definitely when, we leave this world and cross over into the here-after, we will have left behind a legacy of memories so rich and pleasing, that they will fill the empty spaces in the hearts of those we touched.

Let us be salt and light in the earth while we still have breath.

#17. Women need not act this way with unemployed family and friends

The “Dos” for being supportive in a struggling economy were presented last week. Here are a few “Do Nots”:

• Do Not - Discount their dreams and ambitions. Being supportive does not connote transferring your ideals onto them or berating their vision. Just because you think they should try retail, work as a nanny, or become a part of your MLM opportunity does not mean that they should forego their personal pursuits to follow your plan. It is fine to make suggestions but it is more important that you listen (not just to make your sales pitch) in order to help them meet their own objectives.

• Do Not - Embarrass them by discussing the personal details. Nine times out of ten, if the have been without a decent wage for some time this could be negatively affecting their personal life (i.e. marriage, meals and mortgage.) Remember that networking is for professional reasons centered on employability not gossip. Questions impermissible in the context of a job interview should be off limits after hours as well. Suggest that the potential contact ask your friend anything you feel is too personal. Abusing this opportunity to edify a friend by highlighting instead how wonderful you are for lending a helping hand to the “needy” will do more harm than good. No one wants to hire someone others deem as pitiful – perhaps too pitiful to do the job.

• Do Not - Avoid unemployed family and friends. In fact, initiate the conversation if possible by asking “how do you think I could help you during this transition?” Listen to their suggestions and then offer a realistic response to their plea based on your capabilities. Do not make empty promises?!? You do not owe anyone anything, and your best effort is always enough - there is no need for cowardice. By avoiding their phone calls or emails (with resume attached) will only build resentment and destroy relations. It is better to meet this topic head on and be honest about what you can or cannot do to be supportive. Candor is the best approach and leaves no room for delusions.

Am I my brother’s keeper? Well, no I am not, but I am always more than willing to lend a helping hand whenever I can.

Best wishes for better relationships in 2009.

#16. Women (and men) need to be supportive of unemployed friends and family.

To lose anything brings about negative emotions, how much more when that thing is a job? Feelings of shame, depression, doubt, confusion and fear can top the list. In lieu of the current economic state of America, we are all highly likely to know someone personally who falls into this category of "unemployed". As friends and family members, of people facing these dire circumstances, it is important to be supportive - but what does that specifically entail?

The bible speaks about the distance created by finances, even among friends:

Proverbs 14:20The poor are despised even by their neighbors, while the rich have many friends.
Proverbs 19:4Wealth makes many friends; poverty drives them all away.

Wisdom knows money divides family and friends. Sometimes it is by location, if a family can no longer afford to keep their home and are forced to move into a different neighborhood. Do friends and family continue to visit? Sometimes through socialization, friends can no longer afford to vacation or participate in various activities. How are they kept in the loop when they can no longer afford to keep up? With inferiority on the side of those without, and ignorance on the side of the other, it is no wonder why these relationships collapse.

Here are a few suggestions on how to show your support during these trying times:

Be a true friend. Fair weather friends are not allowed, because this storm may get worse before it gets better. So be the same person you always were to them. Allow them to have stable relationships even if their finances are not on solid ground. Invite them out or over for lunch or dinner whenever possible. Find creative, low cost ways to socialize based on things you know they would enjoy. The negative emotions mentioned earlier are strongest when these people are isolated; but they can be deterred by the presence of a loving family and good friends.

Take an interest. Find out what type of career they are looking for, it may be different from what they were doing before; especially if they have worked in industries like real estate and finance, or were self-employed. The only way you will be able to give them leads or to refer them with any authority or persuasiveness is to genuinely get to know their talents, skills and vision. Many friends keep their relationships so personal, that they do not get to know each other professionally. This is a perfect occasion to learn something new about them, so take it!

Network. Now is not the time to be quiet and passive. When you are socializing within your circle of influence and you see an opportunity to discuss your unemployed friend’s professional prowess (because you were listening and took an interest) – do so. We are all blessed to be a blessing and you would appreciate someone speaking on your behalf if you were jobless. Additionally, there is something special about a strong reference that comes from a third party. Again, speak with authority and persuasiveness.

Please share any further suggestions or examples on how to be there for people during hard financial times.

Tips on what not to do will be posted within the next couple of days.

#15. Women need to just give the goods away

You would think with all this technology that it would be simpler to sale your wares but not so, at least not for me. I am sure the EBayers would tell me otherwise and I am open to their suggestions! Please tell me what to do, because this weekend, I had a very unsuccessful garage sale; earning about $1.00 per hour. It cost me more just to have the sale. This was very strange to me because I am a professional garage seller – have been doing it for years and I always make money and sell nearly everything. In the past I have attributed it to my keen sense of organization, living in the right neighborhoods and pricing my items to sale. Marketing was always the least of my worries – I could put out a few signs the morning of and like magic anonymous buyers would appear to take away all my used goods.

Not so this year. I actually spent money to advertise my larger items and the garage sale as a whole, through an online classified site. I even paid to include pictures. Well the site garnered only a modest number of calls and emails, so I took the same postings and listed them on Craigslist for FREE and received even more contacts. Hint: Free is sometimes better. The uncomfortable thing about these online buyers is that they want to have private showings apart from your sale date and I would not oblige. Consequently NONE of them showed up for the actual garage sale – except one lady who came as I was packing everything up and she only purchased a set of antique-like gas lamps. In the end I was left with all my furniture and most of my wares. On top of that, nobody was even driving through the neighborhood and it was a perfectly beautiful day.

My first inclination was to drag it all to the road and let the moochers steal it during the evening hours. Then I thought better and decided to call a consignment furniture store to come pick it up. When they did not have trucks on the weekend; they offered me the option of bringing my furniture in myself or waiting until the weekday. I waited. On Monday, however, I was given the run around by these scratch-and-dent operators. I could not understand what was so hard about scheduling a pick-up and became increasingly irritable with each conversation.

In retrospect I think I was just supposed to give it away all the time. Finally, I made that decision. My smaller appliances were donated to Goodwill and my furniture was given to Salvation Army. It was, in fact, easy to do the right thing! I called for pickup and they were there the next morning with a pre-printed receipt. The process of giving away things that no longer were useful to me but would benefit someone else was freeing and blessed my soul immensely. I only wish I had thought of it sooner.

Still I wonder, do these online classified sites really work or are they just fronts for crooks to come into your home? Am I too skeptical? What will become of the good ole fashioned garage and yard sale? How do you get rid of your old furniture and appliances without them? If your prices end up being haggled down to nothing anyway, why not donate it to a charity and save yourself some time, hard work and money? For now, my best advice is to just give the goods away…

#14. Women need salvation from reality TV shows

This post is unfortunately about a reality show I happened to watch and how it disrupted my night. I am not opposed to all shows of this genre because I am a big American Idol fan, used to follow Survivor and The Apprentice, before it went celebrity. However I feel as if the networks are inundated with these containerized talk shows, and instead of seeking quality they are grasping at straws.

So it is the last day of our holiday vacation and the family is hanging out with my little cousin before he heads back to college and we are eating and having fun. As the conversation mellows we head into the living room where “True Beauty”, the new collaboration between Tyra Banks and Ashton Kutcher, is already in progress. Initially, the group of us challenged the criteria for participating on this show – this is supposed to be a beauty contest right? But in true reality form, the more you look at people, the more they grow on you and so did the show - at least until the last twenty-minutes when they totally blew it.

What bothered me most was not the absence of all cultures and diverse looks, but that the most ethnic woman was dismissed first. How did the networks let this happen? How could they buy into stereotypical rules about beauty, all while stating that the show is about inner beauty as well? The lone beauty banished from the show did not have a symmetrical face so she was among the least beautiful, her name was hard to pronounce, she was nosey, had a foul mouth, an ATTITUDE, was arrogant, and she did not even have the good sense to hold the door open for a guy carrying a tray of coffee. I read her every move. When does typecasting go too far? Is not this the type of neck-rolling black female that sappy black males complain about and leave for white women? Was that the ulterior motive here?

In the meantime, I would really like to know how Hadiyyah-lah got this job. Perhaps her pledge to natural beauty made her different and eligible for the competition, but what about her obvious personality issues? Someone had to notice. Now here it is on mainstream television for all to see. For all dufuses, who really think reality television is real, to rationalize their prejudices. This is not all beautiful black women and Tyra, of all people, should know this.

Again, I am tired of the networks pawning off cheap labor, wannabe actors on us as good television. I am frustrated about how women are depicted on too many of these beauty and dating shows. How can we save the integrity of “real” women from Hollywood?

#13. Women need to be celebrated! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I just love being able to start fresh, don’t you? God grants the seasons in order to foster the metamorphosis that we need in our lives. For me, it has become a ritual on New Year’s Eve to take at least an hour to review my goals for that year, list the things I did accomplish, and then I prepare my upcoming goals for the year ahead. These are not resolutions but promises I make to myself.

After reviewing my 2008 goals, I noticed that I had broken a lot of promises. This realization left me feeling mildly melancholy knowing that I had only hit a small percentage of my annual targets. But on the other hand, I knew that within a few hours I could start this party all over again with a fresh set of objectives; and so I did. Through prayer, I was inspired to trust myself with eight new goals, chock-full of power and passion.

One of my promises included changing the slant of this blog. In 2008 it was all about women being underestimated and trying to breed responses from that communal feeling of being taken for granted. But it is a new day baby! 2009 is about WOMEN BEING CELEBRATED. The focus is no longer on the negative emotions, female bashing, or the self-deprecating insights women are accustomed; instead http://whatwomenwantandneed.blogspot.com/ is dedicated to highlighting solutions on how to live a purposeful life while affecting positive change in women. For we live this life not just to be blessed for selfish gain but to also be a blessing to others.

Do you have a testimony of sorts about an accomplishment in 2008 or a promise you are making to yourself for the future? Remember your struggle is not yours alone and there is no need to be ashamed. The battles you have faced are to be shared so that they can benefit someone else; in that honesty you will be blessed in return.

Thanks for sharing and I wish you all a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!!