#17. Women need not act this way with unemployed family and friends

The “Dos” for being supportive in a struggling economy were presented last week. Here are a few “Do Nots”:

• Do Not - Discount their dreams and ambitions. Being supportive does not connote transferring your ideals onto them or berating their vision. Just because you think they should try retail, work as a nanny, or become a part of your MLM opportunity does not mean that they should forego their personal pursuits to follow your plan. It is fine to make suggestions but it is more important that you listen (not just to make your sales pitch) in order to help them meet their own objectives.

• Do Not - Embarrass them by discussing the personal details. Nine times out of ten, if the have been without a decent wage for some time this could be negatively affecting their personal life (i.e. marriage, meals and mortgage.) Remember that networking is for professional reasons centered on employability not gossip. Questions impermissible in the context of a job interview should be off limits after hours as well. Suggest that the potential contact ask your friend anything you feel is too personal. Abusing this opportunity to edify a friend by highlighting instead how wonderful you are for lending a helping hand to the “needy” will do more harm than good. No one wants to hire someone others deem as pitiful – perhaps too pitiful to do the job.

• Do Not - Avoid unemployed family and friends. In fact, initiate the conversation if possible by asking “how do you think I could help you during this transition?” Listen to their suggestions and then offer a realistic response to their plea based on your capabilities. Do not make empty promises?!? You do not owe anyone anything, and your best effort is always enough - there is no need for cowardice. By avoiding their phone calls or emails (with resume attached) will only build resentment and destroy relations. It is better to meet this topic head on and be honest about what you can or cannot do to be supportive. Candor is the best approach and leaves no room for delusions.

Am I my brother’s keeper? Well, no I am not, but I am always more than willing to lend a helping hand whenever I can.

Best wishes for better relationships in 2009.